Guest Blogger Weighs In, Breaks Scale

Sadly, the Big Sexy had to miss the first round of the playoffs to tend to the end of the little league season. But don't fret, Paul Friedrich had your back! He knows that such a literate and well read bunch, needs to have a weekly dose of Be Silent prose. I am happy to say he did an excellent job! Below is Paul's recap of the thrilling 2-1 win last week...

As Yogi Berra has said, “It’s not over until it’s over!”  Such was the case last night as BSBD took on the Longshots in a rematch of the season opener. In the last inning and facing what should have been the last batter, our elderly yet still productive pitcher Paul decided to make the situation much more difficult as he produce the only error of a truly defensive masterpiece.  After fielding a ball hit right to him by our obliging opponent’s bat, he threw a “dead fish” to Robbie at Short in an ignorant attempt to force a runner at second base.  What was he thinking?  He could have easily tossed an underhanded “

cold beer” to Mr. Dodge at first base.  Now he has put the winning run on first base.  However, to prevent a team “tar and feathering” incident and banishment from the overflowing supply of beer that newcomer Kyle dutifully brought (using the formula that Rob and Bob instructed him with), Paul calmly gets the ensuing batter to fly out to end the game.  Whew!  A 38 minute 2-1 victory became a satisfying feat that keeps the win streak alive.

    

The defensive performance of the BSBD infield of Brett, Mark, Robbie and John rivaled that of any Arden Park team past or present (at least in the last 28 years). This fearless fielding foursome completed two double plays and at least 12 ground ball outs without a miscue.  We may have to move Maves to pitcher.  I know he can throw darts to second base.  Our makeshift outfield of Scott, newcomer Brett, Kyle and old-timer Rob failed to allow the opposing team an extra base hit.   What else can you ask for?  Take note Trevor and Greg!  Even though we only scored two runs are hitting is improving.  Moving John into the cleanup position was beneficial as he produced both RBIs.   Take a second note Trevor and Greg! A few lucky catches, especially the ice cream cone catch of Mark’s fly in the first inning, prevented us from breaking out.  The next game might produce a barrage of batsmen.  Even the switch hitting pitcher who cannot throw seems to be finding comfort on the politically correct side of the plate.  The TSOX are in for a tough one.  

Be Silent Quietly Extends Win Streak to 3

Not all softball games are exciting. There are some that are so remarkable that you sit back, years down the road, and reminisce about the time the team rallied from a huge deficit in the last inning to win the big game or the time your buddy threw a ball from shortstop and hit the runner at third base right in the nards. As I relaxed with the boys, sipping one or three Coors Lights, I had a hard time remembering how we even scored in this game. There were hits scattered here and there, but BSBD were only able to plate runners in one inning, when they put up a 5 spot.

The big hit that inning was Mark Enos crushing a triple over the head of the right-centerfielder with the bases loaded. Unfortunately, the Big Sexy, batting in front of Mark, turned that triple into a double by shutting down the engines at third base. Mark’s unfulfilled legs tried to achieve their true outcome by attempting to score from second on an infield error. If he was out by a foot, he was out by 20 feet. (ed note: it was 20 feet).

Thankfully, that was all of the runs BSBD would need to finish with a 5-2 victory. Paul was automatic on the mound, as usual. The defense was stellar as well, led by B Diddy making multiple scoops at first base, Robbie making plays he shouldn’t at short and Mark pivoting one (should have been two, Blue!) double play at second. Hard to forget Bob stretching to the very extent of his flexibility at second base to pick up a ball Mike rolled Bocce-style from his stomach at third.  Unquestionably, the defensive highlight was Young Kyle’s diving catch in centerfield with runners in scoring position. That was remarkable!

The Smirnoff Ice, ice-hole of the game goes to Mike’s right arm. WTF, arm??? Then, as I was deciding if I was more like Steve Sax, Chuck Knoblach, or a real life panda, I was too distracted to even field grounders. You suck arm.

It was a little disappointing to see that the Wonderful Women of Be Silent Be Deadly (heretofore known simply as the Women of BS) were down to a single member this week on such a beautiful Spring night in the park. I don’t even think Nicole saw Young Kyle’s diving catch as her boredom level of the game persuaded her to picking this as a good time to look for a new lock screen for her phone.

The Shiner Bock player of the week was tough to pin down this week as I really had a hard time remembering anything anyone did at the plate. We have all the people mentioned in the fielding paragraph above as likely candidates. Sadly, I do remember what Brett did at the plate. That brings it down to Young Kyle and Mark. Both were very deserving in their own right.

But as I think back about the game, what brought me the most joy was meeting Art Zanze after the game. His enthusiasm and pure pleasure to meet all of Walt’s teammates was wonderful. It is easy to see where Walt gets his happy demeanor and people skills. Art is a treasure and I am happy to have met him. There is something about paternal love that is very special to me. I know that those of you who are fathers or have lost your father or both know where I’m coming from. I would love for my dad to still be around to come out to see me play one more time. Art, this Shiner Bock is for you. I hope there are many more for you in life’s ice chest.

Be Silent Moves to 2 and 0

Since the passing of my childhood softball team, the Bad Gnus, I have long anticipated the time that a former Gnu will line up against me on the field. It is my hope that eventually each team in the league will feature Bad Gnus. Howard will be running like a gazelle in left field for the Silver Bullets. Pete will be crushing balls over the centerfielder for the T Sox. Erik will be placing basehits for the Long Islanders. Greg will be pitching for the Hanks. John Wiesy will be running through third base coach stop signs for Don’t Panic.

Therefore, I was very excited that my good friend, Teddy Ballgame, was leading off for this week’s opponent, the Silver Bullets. Despite the boring grey shirt, he looked just like his former Gnu self. Swinging at the first pitch, no matter its location, and drilling it into left field for a base hit. Ted is my musical kindred spirit and a guy I never get to spend enough time with. Not seeing him on a weekly basis is the kind of thing that makes cry myself to sleep on Monday nights in the Summer on my big, softball-shaped pilla.

Thankfully, the Bullets had only one former Gnu on their side and aside from that strong, red-headed kid who kept hitting triples, the Bullets were relatively easy to dodge. On the BSBD side, their former Gnu had enough mojo to keep his personal undefeated season alive. Mike’s last career triple was stroked down the left field line (natch!) in the first. Three bases at a time for Big Sexy has been frowned upon by his doctor, wife and knees. 

That hit was surrounded by all manners of hits. All but one BSBD player had a hit in the first inning, resulting in 11 runs. Hard to remember who it was that hit into that odd pop-up, ground-ball double play. No matter, I don’t recall ever being up 11 in the first in a softball game. Oh, I’ve SEEN 11 runs put up in a first inning. Let’s just say it is much more fun watching that from the dugout then from third base.

After that first inning, the game was kind of a snooze-fest. Some balls were hit to fielders. Others were hit where fielders weren’t. It doesn’t deserve the time spend reading this paragraph.

The Smirnoff Ice, Ice-Hole of the game goes to Mother Nature. What was up with the pounding rainstorm while I was trying to enjoy the best part of beer league softball, the beer? I thought the clouds were kinda cool during the game and the reduced temperatures were nice after last week. But what kind of mythical creature would think a Floridian downpour in May at beer:thirty is acceptable? Bad form, Mo Natty. Bad form.

It is difficult to pin down a Shiner Bock player of the game this week. Everyone got in on the action and I can’t remember too many excellent defensive plays that were required. Paul pitched very well in the wind and got a hit or two, but he got credit for Rob’s hit in last week’s write up, so that has to weigh him down a little. Scotty Mac drilled a ball for a ground rule double by the old firehouse and had a hit during the big rally. I hate that local ground rule double rule. I think B Diddy could get at least a triple if he put one out there. Unfortunately, Scott can’t win this week because to get it two straight weeks, you have to top the previous week. Hey, I don’t make up the rules... Well, yes I do, but that’s the rules. Sarah Mac brought goodies again and cheerily sat through in climate weather rooting on the good guys. Sorry, see above. Plus, I was so thrown off by the rain I never even got to personally sample the treats. I didn’t get introduced to the other loyal fans, but I believe  they were with Rob, Robbie and Kyle. 

Robbie was excellent at short and had a hit or two. Combine that with bringing a loyal fan and this week’s Shiner Bock goes to Robbie! Way to go, Robbie!

Be Silent Be Deadly Be Winners

This was the first game of the rest of Big Sexy’s life. His first “official” game with his new team after the Bad Gnus declared (moral) bankruptcy. His whole world felt kinda weird. Though he had played with this wonderful group of guys before, under some of their previous naming incarnations (Ahern Construction, Last Call, Off Regularly, B Diddy and the Funky Bunch),  this was different. Warming up with Rob, who was wearing his grey Ahern shirt while Big Sexy was wearing his own black t-shirt was so much less colorful than the last time he warmed up with Erik before the last Bad Gnus game. There wasn’t any blue/purple/green tie dye to brighten up the already sunny evening. Though this team is full of current and future friends, this wasn’t the same band of brothers that have played together since he had a full head of hair and had a history of winning and losing to each team at Arden Park in every way possible.

The wind was strongly blowing toward the tennis courts on a warm Spring evening as BSBD warmed up, counted heads and scanned the parking lot. Whether that ocular search was for the 10^th player to arrive or to see what scrumptious post game treat lovely Sarah would bring was completely up to the individual. The opposing team was salivating thinking of all of the tree-shots they would smash deep into left field, while Big Sexy was salivating after hearing rumors of chocolate-peanut butter rice crispy treats.

When word game from Greggy O that Mike would take his usual position at third base, he was understandably a little nervous. Not seeing a ground ball in 9 months and with his balky knee and undiagnosed shingles causing enough pain over the last two months to make him consult his drivers license to see if he could get a discount at the movies, had lowered the confidence a tad.

After a relatively quiet top of the first, BSBD they took the field against one of the top teams in all of Arden Park. The T Sox have evolved from “Greg Young’s Team” that hangs out with the Bad Gnus around the middle of the standings table, to an annual powerhouse through the continual acquisition of softball talent. Chief among those acquisitions is third baseman and clean-up hitter Kirby, whose powerful left handed swing used to be a mainstay of the Ahern crew.

The first batter for the T Sox is their powerfully built left fielder. Dude looks like he picked his softball fashion after watching Win Financial a couple years back, but he does appear to be an excellent player. On the first pitch, he knocked all of the nervousness out of Big Sexy by drilling a one hopper that needed to be fielded to protect the ever-lower hanging plums. Thankfully, the glove still worked. That led to a quick 1-2-3 inning.

Paul, after flipping a coin to decide which side of the plate to stand, knocked in the first RBI of the game by placing a nice single into center field to plate Mike with the first run of the game. Paul would later come around to score and stake BSBD to a 2-0 lead that would hold up for the first 3 innings. The desperation then started to sink in for the heavily favored T Sox. They picked up GT to fortify their outfield after playing with only 3 outfielders to begin the game. There were grumblings that this mid-game pick-up made not to avoid a forfeit was a breach of beer league softball etiquette.

In the 4^th inning, the T Sox finally solved Paul and the excellent BSBD defense and plated 3 runs to take a 3-2 lead. This low scoring game was surely to be decided by a timely hit and defense. In the top of the 5^th, that timely hit came. Scotty Mac drilled a ball into the jet stream and watched it nearly end up at the fence line next to the basketball court, a quarter of a mile from home plate. The hits kept coming.  Greggy O drilled a ball to center that the center fielder couldn't catch up to for an extra base hit. Young Kyle reached the basketball court, nearly on a fly.

However, the spectacular BSBD defense was the key to this game. Robbie covers more ground at short than cat fur in a hoarders living room. Mark is a shortstop who happens to be playing second base. Big Sexy didn't screw anything up. B Diddy made several nice plays at first and the outfield hauled in everything hit in the air. There were no less than three double plays turned including a third to first to home number that required a lightening turn by B Diddy and a great dig by Rob. The last DP was a beautiful Enos to Ahern to Chance number over the top.

All of that awesomeness culminated in a 7-4 victory. There will be many more victory beers to be enjoyed this season if this team plays that well each week. Coors Light tastes much better in victory. Seems more like a punishment after a loss.

A new team brings a new sponsor the player of the game award. The Shiner Bock player of the game easily goes to the McMurray family. Not only did Scott play flawlessly in the field and had the games biggest hit. He brought beer AND Coors Light for the team to enjoy afterward. However, he needs to share the honor with Sarah, not just because she bought treats that only Don’t Panic would enjoy more than we did, but she was very vocal and supportive to the whole team, even those she had never met before. Way go Scott and Sarah. This Shiner Bock is for you!