Guest Columnists Save the Day as Gnus Roll...

First, Billy Moebs chimes in with the report...

Since Mike was working the mosh pit at the Queens of the Stone Age concert last night, I assume he won't be able to send one his lovely poems/songs/essays about the game. Let me sum it up in a few sentences:

TED - you the man- great job last night at shortstop. Couldn't have added the win to our record without all the double plays.

Gnu Team - nice job working the pitcher and getting so many walks (except Clayton) :) the extra base runners helped with all the scoring.

And lastly, thanks to Greg for bringing the adult beverages. It was nice to have a cold one after a hard fought battle.

Billy


Then Seanny McD responded with a perhaps more important rundown of the game, the postgame beverage analysis...

Great recap Billy aka "Lil' Sexy". But what summary wouldn't be complete without a top 5 list to go along with it. ...So here goes.. My top 5 beers from Greg's ice chest after last night's game.

1. Gordon Biersch Blond Bock - Ice cold, and refreshing. Perfect brew to start the post game festivus.

2. Sam Adams Light - Had to bring it back to 'ol team sponsor, but still keeping it light, tight and right.

3. Sam Adams Boston Lager - After 2 sandwiches in a can who cares about light beer anymore...Give me the O-riginal!

4. Fat Tire Ale - Not my fave, but when its all that's left in the chest..."what's a 1 at 10 is a 10 at 1"....

5. Coors Light - OK, this wasn't in Greg's chest, but when your infield consists of 3 Ahern fill-ins, you might as well pilfer some from their ice-box.

Rack me.

Breaking Mike's 5 year streak of best post game summary, Sean wins post game summary of the week! We'll see if Mike can take back his title following the T-Sox rematch game. They might think the outcome would be different playing a team of all Gnus. We'll just have to see about that.

A Letter from the Nixon Cabin Bear

First off, I am not the godless killing machine that some talk show hosts make me out to be. I'm a herbovoir. Heck, as a Californian, I'm more into veggies than BBQ'd man-meat. Just keep putting your trash out in the open and I won't have to destroy anything to get those tasty leftovers. Hanging by the Nixon's cabin, I get all sorts of healthy leftovers. Those people eat nothing but salads and tofu. I've dropped 50 pounds since I relocated from outside Sally Musso's cabin and moved to North Tahoe.

I'm looking forward to all of you guys coming up to join me. In fact, even if you haven't said you are coming up yet, feel free to come up just for the day. We have a lot of fun events planned from the bear beer golf tourneyment on Saturday morning to the "bare" midnight run through the woods. Don't worry, no cameras will be allowed.

A little word of warning... I hope that Bill Moebs is not planning on attending. Yogi has a can of whupp-ass he is planning on opening if he sees him. Apparently, Yogi didn't take too kindly to how much attention Bill paid to Cindy Bear's nether-regions last time he was in the woods. It was one joke after another about looking in her pic-a-nica basket, putting out her forest fire down below and climbing his sturdy pine.

Here's the plan for this weekend... Mike is going up early on Friday. His phone number is 548-8587. Give him a call at any time and he will give you directions to the cabin. There is plenty of room for anyone to bunk down and there is plenty of beer to quench your summer thirst. Mike is going to get a keg of good beer and buy some munchies and food for a bbq around on Saturday night. This entire vacation will be yours for the low cost of $40 per human. Make sure to pay Mike when you get a chance. If you are going up on Friday, bring a bike. If you can't bring a bike you can rent one. Either way, I here those bipeds are going to ride up to a sweet riverside drinking establishment.I hope to see you all this coming weekend, July 20-22. I promise I will not bite and leave a mark. I don't promise that I will not call my buddies the skunk, raccoon and porcupine to laugh at your asses as we eat all of your leftover tri-tip as your are "sleeping" on the deck.

Party on!!!

Gnus Around the World

We are starting a new project...

Take your colorful Bad Gnus shirt on vacation with you and send me a picture of your Gnus shirt around the world. I will post the photos and keep a collection of the pics for a grand summary at some time in the future.

This is our first entrant - Bill Moebs on top of Waimeia in Kauia. Way to represent!!!

Double The Softball, Double the Fun?

That was the hope this week as the Bad Gnus headed into the week in first place and with a perfect record. A lot of great things come in twos. A pair of wins this week could make the top 5. It would push the Bad Gnus much closer to the championship and serve as notice that these guys weren't just the laid back dudes in the cool tie dye who drink only good beer.

Game 1 was against the Hanks. The Hanks who have won 35 championships at Arden Park in the last 40 years with much the same roster. They are always a tough win with their consistent singles hitting, errorless defense and a pitcher who's balls hang just a little longer in the air than younger pitchers. Now I'll admit I have been in a few too many locker rooms with old guys. From what I can tell either from 70 years of gravity or the courage it took to take on the Krauts in WWII (the Big One), old guys balls tend to hang low. Not this guy's. They seem to never come down.

The one thing you don't want when playing the Hanks is three outfielders. Those old guys can place their singles whereever they please. They rain more singles on the grass than PacMan Jones at stripper picnic. It was a bad night to be missing Pete & John (involved in some civil ceremony in Hawaii), Sean (hangover), Kevin (got lost) and Appleton (wrist tendinitis and blurry vision) leaving us with only 9 players. That's when we got a boost from the youngest Gnu and the oldest of Bad Gnus 2, the Next Generation. That's right... Big Sexy's nephew himself, Teen Sexy made his first appearance of the summer season behind the plate. Teen Sexy has arrived on the scene just this past summer. The formerly shy, reserved boy has grown to nearly 6 feet, let his hair get all bushy like the kids do, has a deep tan and a throng of girls following him whereever he goes. He makes an Uncle proud...

As for the game, four outfielders or not, the Hanks put up 5 in the top of the first on a bunch of singles and some uncharacteristically misplayed grounders. That was all they would need. The Gnus pulled to within 5-2, but never got much closer, losing 9-3. The game did have some highlights, but the Gnus bats never consistently hit the changeup from Highballs McGee. The Gnus almost turned a third to second to first double play on a ground ball. That would've be cool. A few people did has multiple hits including Clayton, Mike, Keith and Greg (I think). Sorry if I missed any of you.

That made Game 2 versus Ahern construction nearly a must-win to keep the championship hopes alive. Things looked promising at the start as not only did 11 Gnus show up before the game started, but there were TWO ice chests ready for the post game celebration. Mike has played a couple of times on the Ahern team and would really like to hand the defending league champions a loss.

The first inning started with a bang as Mike drilled a ball over the left fielder and rounded the bases for a three run home run. He didn't touch either first or third base, but Ahern was too stunned to notice. That gave them a 3-0 until the home team responded with two solo home runs of their own and the homerun derby was on. In the second, the Bad Gnus were unable to keep up the dingers coming while Ahern continued their hitting barrage to give them a 6-3 lead they would not relinquish. The Gnus pulled within 7-5 at one time and played solid defense througout, but in the end, they didn't have the bats to keep up with the champs. Ahern wins the second game of the double header 11-7.

The committee had no problem giving the Newcastle Player of the Week to himself. Mike was 5 X 6 in the two games with a homerun and a triple. He also nearly started an infield triple play. Through Ichiro's interpreter after the game, the Big Sexy had this to say, "When traveling through the forest of softball, it is important to remember that the roots of the trees in the dirt and sweet fruit on the branches are from the same organism. If the songbird chooses to sit on it's branches, harmony will spread from the tree throughout the forest and joy will be plentiful." Enjoy the Asahi, Mike.

Big ups to Ted who played with a gnarly looking index finger and Bill who played with himself. Despite the two losses this week, the Bad Gnus played formidable opponents well and looked good doing it. There were many throw back shirts last night... I guess there were a couple of Gnus who didn't just pick up the shirt off the floor from the night before and throw it back on.

Next week is the big revenge game against Don't Panic, Tuesday at 6:00. Don't Panic's victory over the Gnus in May was their first since prior to Herr Bush's Reign of Terror and has been the talk of Arden Park softball for a couple of months. You know they have this game circled on their calendar. Guess what, Ponytails, I have it circled too!

Bad Gnus Winning Streak!

The Bad Gnus have been to the mountain, and it was good. It took 14 games in 2007, but the Bad Gnus finally put together a complete package. Dominating from start to finish, the Bad Gnus used solid defense, flawless pitching, timely hitting and solid beer drinking to dominate the Silver Bullets from the first pitch to the last beer. (That phrase would have been so much better is we were drinking from pitchers!)

Of course, a complete package from the Gnus couldn't be complete without a surprise contribution from Rex Davis. Rex has been on the Bad Gnus since the first game. His spirit has arrived in many different vessels. He has emcompassed a virtual meleting pot of people. He's been fat, skinny, black, white, gainfully employed, likely homeless and vacationing from various parts of the world. But for some reason, no matter the apparent talent level of Rex, he always comes through for the Bad Gnus. This night, Rex was Erik's brother-in-law visiting from Texas. Yee Haw! Rex went 3 X 3 on the night, none bigger than the bases loaded, two-out, two-run single in the bottom of the 6th to give the Gnus the 4 run cushion they would eventually need in the top of the 7th.

Consideration was given for the Newcastle Player of the Game to Rex, but it is oh so hard for committee to give the award to a fill-in. Nice game, but no NPOG for you. Another receiving consideration was Mike who brought beer on back to back weeks and played pretty good d at third. But he was the winner of the Sutter Home White Zinfadel P of the Game for getting a pinch runner all three times he was on base. With a painful calf brought on by a combination of not warming up properly before basketball, getting closer and closer to the big 4-0 and generally having too much junk in his trunk, his calf muscle tightened up. He didn't feel the need to run his own bases... Prima donna. Make sure you take a breath in when taking a sip, big guy. You can't win the Sutter Home and the Newcastle awards concurrently, so he's out.

The Newcastle Player of the Game goes to Clayton! Clayton hit the ball hard, but what really stood out was his excellent defense. He made a great running play in right center with the bases loaded early in the game, made a saving catch on a throw from Mike against his momentum and still turned the double play and was the key part of the Pyramid Defensive Play of the Game. On that play a runner tried to go from 1st to 3rd on a single to Rex in right. Rex got the ball to Clayton who turned and fired a strike to Mike right on the bag to nail the runner and end the inning. Great game, Clayton!

After the Bad Gnus beat down was complete, it was almost sad to watch the stunned Silver Bullets (a team that beat us 21-3 in the "pwned" game earlier) sit under their tree and have to drink Coors Light while we had the tasty brews. Sucks to be them. Rocks to be us!

The Bad Gnus are now 2-0 and face an improbably battle for sole possession for first place against the Hanks on Monday. That will be followed by another challenger for our crown on Tuesday against Ahern Construction. See you all then!

Bad Gnus Roar Back!

What a thrilling victory last night to start off the regular season! Old time Gnus have seen it many times before… the Gnus seem lifeless and hopelessly beaten, only to rise up and snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Some of the newer Gnus have seen a few of our other trademarks… blowing large, seemingly safe leads… scoring 3 runs in a game… losing to teams we have no business losing too... drinking to excess in a public park. But they were surprised to hear this type of effort was also a Bad Gnus hallmark.

After a horrid preseason which I have blacked out to such an extent that I only remember about three games, I really wanted the summer season to get off to a rousing start. I was so pumped up, I even went and bought beer for what was sure to be a post-game victory celebration. The Bad Gnus came out of the gate pretty well against the Long Islanders. After only allowing one run in the top of the first, the first three Bad Gnus reached base. It began with Howard Hughes getting around the bases as if he did not have a wrenched back and stretching a single into a triple. Unfortunately, that was all the Gnus could muster and was all of their offense for the first 4 innings. Low lights included several very weak infield pop ups, a swing-and-a-miss and a called strike three that hit the middle of the mat. Names have been withheld to protect the guilty.

Defensively, the Bad Gnus had a couple of rough stretches, but overall played pretty well. Highlights in the early innings were provided by Kevin and Peter. Kevin had 4 put outs in the first 3 innings at home, setting an modern day Arden Park record, including showing off some cat-like reflexes on a pop up. Pete was blazing all over the outfield. He was charging balls and showing off a canon of an arm that intimidated the Long Islanders for the rest of the night. Pete threw out a runner at second who was on first on a single and nailed Mark Schwan at the plate, cutting down a run. The Long Islanders witnessed the arm power that hobbled the infamous One-Nut McGee at the Softball Complex oh so long ago.

Trailing 9-1 going into the bottom of the fifth put a lot of long faces on the Bad Gnus. Many thoughts went from the field to drowning our sorrows in that ice chest. But the sleeping giant arose. The Bad Gnus rallied for 5 runs in the bottom of the fifth, capped by Kevin’s bases-clearing, hard hit double off the second baseman. With the lead cut to 9-6 the Gnus felt they were back in the ball game. They turned three Islander batters into three outs and took a lot of momentum into the bottom of the sixth. All that enthusiasm quickly dropped with a thud as the Bad Gnus went 1-2-3 in their half of the inning.

The last inning did not start off well for the Bad Gnus as the top of the Long Islanders line up produced consecutive hits to lead off the inning. With no outs and runners at first and second, it was time for the Pyramid Defensive Play of the Game. A hard hit ball down the third base line was snared by the outstretched glove of a diving Mike Maves. Mike got up, stepped on the bag at third and fired to Clayton at first for a momentum grabbing double play. The blood on both my knees was well worth the result. (I’ll let you make up your own joke about me having scabs on my knees cuz I’m not going to do it for you.) The next batter flied out leading to a fateful bottom of the seventh.

Doug Hart led off with a solid single to get the bench fired up and John finished with a bloop, infield single to put the first two guys on and the top of the order up. After a couple of outs sandwiched Pete’s single, Mike singled and moved to second as Pete hustled into third. This all set up Kirk to be the hero of night. With the tying run on third and the winning run on second, Mr. Giberson did not disappoint. He singled to left, scoring Pete and Mike just ahead of the throw.

The comeback was complete; 10-9 Bad Gnus! The Bad Gnus sit in first place as of this post. The beer tasted a little better after game, the crowd lasted a little longer. It was good to be back on top for at least a night. The Bad Gnus will continue their march to the most unlikeliest of championship seasons on Monday, July 2 at 7:00. The opponent will be the hated beer rival, The Silver Bullets. Don’t bring that watery crap up in here!

Regular Season About To Begin!

After the ugliest spring training in Bad Gnus history, the Bad Gnus are ready to take on the Arden Park D league in the summer season. The Gnus figure they have the opposition looking past them after the biggest set up job since Paul Newman took Jackie Gleason in the early 70's. The Gnus never had the same lineup twice nor did they ever field their entire team. Between little league and a glaring lack of commitment, many games were missed. Founder and Manager Maves played in only three games. That is all about to change. Below is the schedule for the summer league.

Mon 6/25 7:00 vs. The Long Islanders
Mon 7/02 7:00 vs. Silver Bullets
Mon 7/09 6:00 vs. Hanks
Tue 7/10 7:00 vs. Ahern
Tue 7/17 6:00 vs. Don't Panic
Tue 7/24 7:00 vs. T-Sox
Mon 7/30 7:00 vs. T-Sox
Mon 8/06 7:00 vs. Silver Bullets
Mon 8/13 6:00 vs. Hanks
Tue 8/14 7:00 vs. Ahern
Tue 8/21 6:00 vs. Don't Panic
Tue 8/28 7:00 vs. The Long Islanders

CDs of the Year - The Early Awards

I know you all decide your musical choices based on what I'm listening to, so here are my early in the year selections for best music so far this year...

1. The Fratelli's - Costello Music - You cannot not shake something when this is on!

2. Fall Out Boy - Infintiy on High - Even though they screwed Sacramento by cancelling their concert next week and not rescheduling, I still love this band and this CD is good. I think they just saved me the pain of feeling real, real old at the concert.

3. Modest Mouse - We Were Dead Before the Ship Sank - Takes a few listens, then you are hooked. Their last album title is the tag line for the website "Good News for People Who Like Bad News" They just spelled it wrong.

4. Spring Awakening Soundtrack - Perhaps I'd feel different about this Broadway soundtrack if I didn't see and absolutely love the musical. But I did and it is awesome! The show will never come to Sacramento, so unless you travel you may never see this. Best musical ever! Surpassing Chicago, Jesus Christ Superstar and Rent, but that's a different list.

5. Barenaked Ladies - Barenaked Ladies Are Men - Back to more upbeat songs after a disappointing release just last fall. Might be the band I'd most want to hang around and drink beers with. They just seem like fun and nice guys.

Summer Movie Alert!

The Bad Gnus season is not quite giving the players or their many, many fans the entertainment that we would desire. Therefore, I am going to give you some coming entertainment options outside to the world of the Bad Gnus.

I know you are all dying to know, but here are the top 5 summer movies I'm looking forward to. Get to your local multi-plex!

1. Knocked Up - The latest by the creator of 40 Year Old Virgin. I expect to laugh and be glad I'm not watching it with my mom.

2. The Simpsons Movie - My number one TV show I never watch but wish I did. They are always good for a quick zinger. It'll be interesting if they can carry a whole movie.

3. Paris Je T' Aime - I really like Paris and I really like films by the Coen brothers and Alexander Payne. Let's see if this interwoven collection of short films doesn't disappoint.

4. Eleven Men Out - A coming out story of a gay soccer team from Iceland. Nah, I'm just f'in with you. I'll wait for the DVD.

4. Sicko - I admit that I drink Michael Moore's kool-aid. While I am pretty feverish about gun control (Bowling for Columbine) and my anti-war stance (Farenheit 9/11) I'm a fence sitter on HMO's. We'll see if he moves me change the "Love Not War" on the back of the Love Missle to "Meds for All" .

5. Stardust - The word on the movie lot is that this is in the same vein as The Princess Bride. I am confident enough in my heterosexuality to state the The Princess Bride is one of the best movies ever made. I just hope Stardust has someone as dreamy as Cary Ewles in the lead.

I know there will be those who say, "but BS, what about Shrek the Third, Spiderman III, Ratatouille and Harry Potter?" Don't you worry, I think those movies will do just fine without my recommendation. I'm sure I'll see them and so will most of y'all.

Oh - and if you can't wait until one of these to come out and need to see a movie this weekend - check out Hot Fuzz. It's by the same bloke's who brought us my favorite Halloween time movie, Shaun of the Dead.

Bad Gnus Pwned!

The Bad Gnus were owned so hard they were lapped by the alphabet. Or they were owned so much it grew a tail. I don't really know the origin of this new slang word, I just know now how it feels. It hurt so bad it even spawned the last sentence with three consecutive "OW" words.

I'm not going to delve into the details. Long after the football score of 21-3 is forgotten (actually, that might be hard to forget), we will remember the comical line drive that not only bounced off Doug W's head but hit him on the head a second time on the way down. It's only comical because he was not hurt. Well, it eventually would have been comical over time anyway.

The Bad Gnus are off to their worst start in their lengthy history. They get two chances to turn that around next week with games on Monday and Tuesday.

The Sam Adams Summer Brew play of the game goes to Sean McDaniel's sliding catch in the outfield of a sinking line drive. Great catch. It didn't even lose any of it's shine after Sean admitted after the game while enjoying a frosty Summer Brew (Mike Maves Beer of the Year - 2006), that he complemented Kathy Nixon on their dog, Tedford. Not sure he was impressed by how cute Tedford was or how well he can type. I'm not going to confuse Sean with facts, just keep making nice catches the outfield and maybe you can have a beer some night with Bill's fish Goldie.

Opening Night - 2007

There was some talk that the Bad Gnus actually began their season last week. I contend that was simply an exhibition game. Missing 7 regulars and certainly without a blog correspondent, could it actually take place? Many philosophers have pondered this and many young monks have traversed mountains in Tibet to ask this very question... If a game happens at a park and the Big Sexy misses it, does it really happen at all? I think nay. Therefore, opening night 2007 took place on the cutest and best set of twins birthday underneath fair skies on a glorious spring evening.

The night started off as beautifully as it could for the Bad Gnus. The official announcement from season-long MVP, Bill Appleton that his sister was sending a check to cover league fees, he had hats for the guys and visors for the ladies and a ice chest packed with frosty Samuel Adams started the night off right. "Brewer. Patriot. Bad Gnu." (copyright 2007). Despite the numerous visors on the field making the Bad Gnus appear like a co-ed team, Greg laid in strike after strike, mowing the Long Islanders down in order in the first. In fact, through 3 innings, the Long Islanders had only one baserunner. When the Gnus came to bat in the first, it was clear they meant business. Taking a historical number of walks (3) in the first inning, they jumped out to a 3-0 lead. After 3 innings, the slought was on. A 7-0 lead that felt like 17-0.

Longtime Bad Gnus, people who may read this blog or just the occasional dude that hangs out in the park mumbling to himself all know that no lead is too big for the Bad Gnus. They can come from ahead with the best of them. The Gnus did not disappoint. Behind some shaky fielding, some good hits and an atrocious call at the plate, the Islanders had come all the way back to take a 9-7 lead after 5. Not sure what the deal was with the umpire and the call at the plate. He looked like a cross between Droopy Dog and the corpse of Rosemary Clooney who had been crying ever since Matlock was taken off the air. Apparently the 24 consecutive hours of visine this guy was pouring into his eyes made it very difficult for him to see that Keith's throw from the outfield and Kevin's scoop beat the Islander's pivotal run by two steps. (I always have the feeling that Kirk expects me to be ejected any time I talk to the umpires, be it softball, little league, basketball or mud wrestling - but I never have.) Following that call, a booming triple off the glove of Seanny McD gave the Islanders the lead.

As the home team, the Bad Gnus were in prime position for a typical pull-it-out-of-our-hatses victory. In the bottom of the six, Mike hit the first infield home run in Bad Gnus history. After his hard hit ball bounced off the third baseman's noggin and into left field, Mike raced (two words I don't often type next to each other) to second. Seeing the third baseman still on the ground and the ball slightly over thrown, Mike took third with a dive. That ridiculous sight, created another overthrow. Mike popped up and scored. The resulting momentmum from that exciting play that cut the lead to 9-8 was just a couple of outs to end the inning. Yawn.

In the 7th, the Bad Gnus only trailed by one. Weisy led off with a sharp single and Howard followed with the same. After Kevin loaded the bases with one out, the Gnus were in the drivers' seat as the heart of the order was coming up to end the game. I didn't have a very good view of exactly what happened next, but I've been told we lost the game 9-8. A pretty good effort for week 1!

Notables:

Sam Adams Player of the Game: I don't remember him making any defensive plays. I do think he got a hit. But it didn't matter what happened on the field. Bill Appleton brought beer, hats and a $30 break to all the Gnus (which they will likely just turn around and spend on more beer). Huzzah!

Sam Adams Summer Brew Defensive Play of the Game: A key 6th inning double play on a ground ball to Pete to Moebs to Appleton looked like something from the middle of the season. He may have been safe, but Blinky McPinkeye didn't have the heart to get us on another close call.

First blood of the year: Mike thought he had this wrapped up when he bled diving into third. Though he did bleed from four different places, he was not the winner. Mike had the second best odds to bleed first on the season, just after Kevin. The third favorite to bleed first was Bill Moebs. The oddsmakers specifically thought Bill was endanger around glass bottles and uneven ground after the ballgame. However, Bill skinned his knee earlier in the game at a play at second base and took home the coveted first blood award.

Next Game: Monday, April 16 at 6:45 vs. the Silver Bullets. Coors Light... nigga, please.

Revised Spring Schedule

The joy of playing at a small league, nothing is written in stone! Here's the latest schedule:

Mon 4/02 6:30 v. Long Islanders
Mon 4/09 6:30 v. Long Islanders
Mon 4/16 6:45 v. Silver Bullets
Mon 4/23 5:45 v. Hanks
TUE 4/24 6:45 v. Ahern Construction
TUE 5/01 6:00 v. Don't Panic
TUE 5/08 7:00 v. T-Sox
Mon 5/14 7:00 v. T-Sox
Mon 5/21 7:00 v. Silver Bullets
Mon 6/04 6:00 v. Hanks
TUE 6/05 7:00 v. Ahern Construction
TUE 6/12 6:00 v. Don't Panic

Notice that some of those Tuesday games are the day after we play on Monday. Also notice we got a couple more games for free!

Spring Schedule

Here's the official schedule. No Tuesday games. No 9:30 games.

4/02 6:30 Long Islanders
4/09 6:30 Silver Bullets
4/16 6:45 Hanks
4/23 5:45 Long Islanders
4/30 6:00 Silver Bullets
5/07 6:00 Hanks
5/14 7:00 Long Islanders
5/21 7:00 Silver Bullets
5/28 No Game
6/04 7:00 Hanks

The shirts are in! They look great. The Big Sexy's never looked bigger or sexier. Well, at least bigger.

Rock on, Bad Gnus!

A Letter From Pete Nixon's Dog

Hey everybody, my name is Tedford. I am Pete's golden retriever. The Arden Park homeowners’ association wouldn’t allow Pete to get an actual golden bear, so he’s stuck with me.

What a fun keyboard! Pete left me in the house today. He was rushing out, mumbling something about needing to close a deal, little league practice and a raging hangover. I couldn’t hear it all. I was hiding in the laundry room hoping he wouldn’t notice me. I’ve gotten tired of chewing up most of the good stuff around here. I didn’t know this keyboard was for communicating. I found the “tab”, “Q” and “F12” keys in the stool sample I left on the area rug. So I won’t be using those keys. If only I had thumbs I could try to fish them out and snap them back on.

Which leads me to my plea; I don’t have thumbs, yet Pete constantly ties a piece of leather to my paw and hits balls at me. The kids will be all tired out but Pete keeps going. I don’t even know what he is talking about. He says “alright Tedford, let’s get two” then he only hits one ball and I need to chase it down, the big leather thing flopping as I run. I look all around for the second ball then finally drop a slobbery mound of leather at his feet and pray he doesn’t hit it again. Ever since his big black lab, Marshawn, ran away for green pastures, he’s been running me ragged.

Then once a year, he makes me sit and answer questions. I don’t know what he’s talking about. I usually try to lick my balls to give him the hint I’m not listening anymore, but he just keeps going. So then I lick his face. “Tedford, if you are on second base and no one is on first, do you have to run?” Listen, Pete last time I got to second base was with that labradoodle bitch next door and you yanked my choke chain so hard I nearly swallowed my tongue.

Anyway, could you fellas help a dog out? I know Pete needs to get his baseball fix in. And I know you are all about to start up the Bad Gnus season cuz Pete’s been wearing his tie-dyed shirt all around that Kathy keeps hiding in the garage. How about you guys get together Sunday, April 1 around 4:00 and hit some balls for Pete, drink some beers and just tire him out before he comes home and he tries to strap the catcher's equipment on me.

I gotta go. I see a drape in the other room that I forget to take a piss on. Thanks for your help!

Spring Training In Full Schwing!

I hate to interupt all of your training for the coming season. If I can have just a few minutes of your time before you go back to roadwork, lifting weights and rubbing flax seed oil on your arms.

I don't have the schedule yet, but we are tentatively on for opening day on Monday, April 2! That is just 10 days from today and only one day after you crack up all your family members with practical jokes all day. The schedule will include at least a couple of Tuesday games. I'll pass along the schedule and hit up the blog when I get it. I might get it on March 28.

I have placed an order for the 2007 edition of the Bad Gnus T. It will be at least the 6th shirt in circulation. Hate to pile on the invoices, but now y'all owe me another $20. I have already collected league fees from a whopping 2 of you. Please forward that $30 along with the $20 for the shirt when you can or just bring it to the first game. If my favorite brewer and patriot, Sam Adams comes through with league fees, I'll refund it to you.

While you have your wallet out, what do you think about hats? I can get navy blue hats with an embroadered and interlinked "BG" for another $12. Let me know if you guys want to go down that road and I'll get them ordered.

Here is our official roster for the spring season:

Kevin, Bill Appleton, Bill Moebs, Erik Grotte, Greg, Keith, John Wiesy, Doug Hart, Doug Wormald, Howard, Kirk, Pete and me.

Our subs are: Derrick, Ted, Sean McD, Clayton Smith (new Gnu alert!).

If you are one of the 13, please let me know as far in advance as you can if you cannot make a game. I know the little league gods frowned on me and saddled me with 4 Monday games this year, including April 2. With notice, we should be able to fill the spot and avoid the park whoring that we have gotten so good at. If you are Derrick or Ted, let me know when you can make any game and we will get you in.

Sorry, there are no Hooters coupons here. Just trying to get Appleton to check the website.

Beer of 2006

This is always the most heated and anticipated Mikey award handed out. This year the top 10 list is coincidentally dominated by the new sponsor of the Bad Gnus, Samuel Adams. Not only do they craft a fine variety of brews, but they know to support the coolest softball team in three counties. Here's the list...

1. Sam Adams Summer - See you in a few months, my fine, seasonal friend.

2. Sam Adams Octoberfest - Could be that it was the payoff of a bet. Beer always tastes that much better when it is acquired that way. (Thanks, Pete!) Here's the top five ways that any type of beer tastes great, in order.

1. Payoff from a bet
2. Sponsored beer after a softball game
3. Someone buys you a beer when you are out
4. Draft beer that you pay for
5. Bottles in a house, preferrably playing ping pong, darts or foosball at the time

3. Pyramid Amberweizen on Tap - Pyramid has long dominated this list and if I had greater access to the beer on tap they'd dominate the top ten and I'd need a bigger belt.

4. Sam Adams Light - The most kicking around the house drinkable beer of the year.

5. Newcastle - After a couple years atop the list, Newky falls a bit, but it is always a smooth and sexy option.

6. Sam Adams Cherry Wheat - This was a top the list in the summer and started to fall. Could be aging. Could be the end of the season. Not sure what.

7. Great White on Tap at Beach Hut - The frosty glass, the cool music, the high def tvs, the tasty sandies. The beer hits the spot.

8. Sacramento Brewing Co Miner's Extra Pale - Goes down very well with the number 1 burger in town.

9. Pete's Wicked Strawberry Blonde - Another tasty summer option

10. Fat Tire on Tap - This is a beer that is easier to find out and about than most of these, although Newcastle has been more prevalent recently.

Best of 2006 - Food

Y'all know I need to push away for the table every once in a while, but I don't. Just more of me to love, I guess. That's what my mom has always said.

Burrito

I loves me a burrito. It's my favorite food so I'll start here.

1. Los Lunchero Wagono Asada - This huge upset put the portable roach coach on the corner of Folsom and Jackson on top of the list. They showed me that a burrito can be wonderful without the cheese, sour cream and guacomole.

2. El Portal Super Chicken - Too far away now (North Highlands), but still merits special notice. I shouldn't get spiritual about a burrito but I feel the warmth down to my toes in the wonderful creation that Pedro makes for me.

3. Chevy's Fajita Chicken - The tasty chips and salsa foreplay puts this one up there.

4. #24 Breakfast Burrito at Aldaberto's - Maddeningly inconsistent from chain to chain. But when it's good it's good, when it's bad, it's real bad.

5. Chipotle Chicken with Guac - The guacamole at chipotle makes this extra special.

Taco

1. Rubio's Fish Especial
2.El Portal Steak
3. Chipotle Chicken
4. Los Lunchero Wagono Asada
5.Woody's Mahi Mahi Firecracker Style

Burger

1. Maximum Burger at Sacramento Brewing - mmm mmm mmm
2. Bandera - Ok, I've only had bites of my kids burgers because of my inability to vary from things I like (see #1 in next section), but it is very tasty.
3. Pyramid Alehouse Burger
4. $6 Guacamole Burgerat Carl's Jr.
5. Woody's Bacon Guacamole Burger

Sandwich

1. Blackened Fish at Bandera - Add the world's best slaw, their amazing potatoes colcanon along with freshly squeezed Bocce Ball.
2. L'Michelle at Mr. Pickles - Just beware the old man at the counter.
3. The Perfect Veggie at Togo's with extra tomatoes - It was the one mystical time that employee care, veggies at their peak of ripeness were brought together at a time when I was starving
4. Hawaiian Chicken at Jack's Urban Eats - Yummy
5. Cheesesteak at Hoppy's - I'd like to actually have that with a beerfor a change.

Best of 2006 - Entertainment

Here are the movies, tv shows and books that occupied my mind in 2006...

Movies

1. Borat - Very nice!

2. The Departed - A little more violent than Mr. Peace,Love & Happiness would typically enjoy, but it was very well done.

3. Stranger Than Fiction - Will Farrell gets his Jim Carrey moment in this odd, literate movie.

4. Flushed Away - Of course, I see a lot of kids movies and this was my fave. Very funny.

5. Cars - Pixar does nice work. They might just make it.

TV Shows

While most of my tv viewing involves a ball or a puck, I do have some favorite non-sport related shows.

1. The Amazing Race - I know. Reality tv has a bit of a bad rap, but I love this show. The travel; the teamwork; the sweeping scenary. I love it and I'm man enough to admit it.

2. The Office - I loved the British show and really worried about this, but it is great.

3. The Daily Show/The Colbert Report - I'm grouping these as one show cuz they are in a way. This is the main place that I get my news.

4. Best Week Ever - This VH1 show is just like every other VH1 show where they have the comics making wise with hit or miss effect, but I like the current events and they hit more than miss. The second best place for me to get news.

5. Entourage - This show started pretty shallow but has really fleshed out the charachters over the seasons.

Honorable mention - My Name is Earl, 30 Days, Cheap Seats and Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel.

Internet Sites

1. U.S.S. Mariner - Very intelligent baseball discussion and early information on the most frustrating baseball team on the planet. But I still cannot stop.

2. Deadspin - This is funniest sports related site ever. Responsible for the phrase "I'm with leather" and the celebrity of Carl Monday.

3. Bad Gnus Blog - Can't wait until I can figure out pictures and some of you post comments on the blog too.

4. The Mighty MJD - Deadspin's poor cousin, but still worth a read.

5. The Phat Free - Entertaining essays from regular Joes.

Books

I know most of you Gnus don't read, so this is really for my own historical benefit.

1. Foop! by Chris Genoa
2. Lord Vishnu's Love Handles by Will Clarke
3. Long Way Down by Nick Hornby
4. Cross Dressing by Bill Fitzhugh
5. A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore
6. The Contortionist's Handbook by CraigClevenger

Best of 2006 - Music

Those of you who know me, know that I am a bit of a geek. Those who know me well know that I love year end lists and rankings. Those who are closest to me know that I am a big enough geek that I make a year end list of my favorite things every year. Now, thanks to the world wide web, everyone can know how big of a geek I am!

You are now about to venture into my mind and read the first of many posts listing my favorites of 2006. I love music and this list honors those people who rocked my world in 2006.

Song

Here is the top 5 in order, followed with the rest of the top 20 who made my final Mike's Mix of the year.

1. Cupid's Chokehold by Gym Class Heroes

My band of the year needs to represent at the top of list. Best sample from a Supertramp song ever. Travis can bust some rhymes!

2. Romantic Rights by Death From Above 1979

Sadly, this band has broken up before they really hit it big. Techno-Metal may never be the same.

3. I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! at the Disco

And I'm not even a 17 year old girl!

4. Gone Daddy Gone by Gnarls Barkley

I usually hate remakes of songs that I really like, but they did it good and had a very twisted video to go along with it.

5. Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge

Rooted in the 80's, but the lyrical expression of passion in this song cannot be ignored.

Others (in no particular order):

SexyBack by JT (I didn't know I had left!)

DARE by Gorillaz

Ain't No Other Man by Christina Aguilera

The Queen and I by Gym Class Heroes

Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Bring It (Snakes on a Plane) by Cobra Starship

Cherry Cola by Eagles of Death Metal

Life Wasted by Pearl Jam

Cosmopolitan by Nine Black Alps

I Bet You Look Good On the Dance Floor by Arctic Monkeys

Steady, As She Goes by The Raconteurs

10 AM Automatic by The Black Keys

That Old Pair of Jeans by Fatboy Slim

Hands Open by Snow Patrol

All The Same by Sick Puppies


CD

1. As Cruel As School Children by Gym Class Heroes
2. You're A Woman, I'm A Machine by Death From Above 1979
3. Mercy by Burden Brothers
4. Death By Sexy by Eagles of Death Metal
5. A Fever You Can't Sweat Out by Panic at the Disco
6. She Wants Revenge (self-titled)
7. Skin & Bones by Foo Fighters
8. Pearl Jam (self-titled)
9. Eyes Open by Snow Patrol
10. Bullet in a Bible by Green Day (since I couldn't vote for American Idiot for the 3rd straight year)

Best New (to me) Artist

Should be pretty obvious, but:

1. Gym Class Heroes
2. Death From Above 1979
3. Panic! at the Disco
4. She Wants Revenge
5. Sick Puppies

Check back later in the week for other entertainment (TV, Movies, Books) and Food & Beverage which includes the much anticipated Mavester for Beer of the Year! You know you will...

What We Have Learned

Another Bad Gnus season is in the books. The season wrapped up wonderfully. Following perhaps our best game of the year last week, we smoked Don't Panic (at the Disco) 13-1 in our final game to bring our Arden Park record to 5-7. We put it all together at the end but have nowhere to go with our momentum except to watch Monday Night Football and put on our winter weight. If there were playoffs, we would be a team to watch. If my aunt had a package, she'd be my uncle.

The season improved greatly once we moved to Arden Park and gained a beer sponsorship. Though we failed to finish either of our two seasons at .500 for the first time in the 15 year history of the Bad Gnus, we had a lot of fun and we learned a lot about our team and each other. Here's a few of the things I have learned about our team and the individuals on it...

* We aren't in our 20's anymore. Now WE are the team with the knee braces and beer bellies that play much better than they look. I used to hate playing that team 10 years ago. I'd still rather be the team that hates that team.

* It is time for another version of the ever popular Bad Gnus shirt. The last couple of years have resulted in some turnover and we have a hodge podge of shirts. I will be ordering 20 shirts next time. I'm guessing all XL and XXL, fat asses. Get your designs in. The winning design will win a Bad Gnus autographed softball.

* Howard can't go 5 for 5 every game anymore, but he still thinks he should. Glad to see his wife and beautiful baby at a couple of games this year. Hope that becomes a regular feature. Also glad to see he refuses the postgame beer. More beer for me, I mean, us.

* Howard's bat is not cursed. As he proved in the last couple games, where he pounded out hit after hit, Howard is back. He even used the bat everyone on the team is afriad to use. It is the most expensive stick ever owned by a Bad Gnu, but when everyone saw what it did to our most consistent hitter, people were using the bats Doug Wormald brought from the trunk of stolen cars instead.

* Derrick likes little league baseball and his son more than the Bad Gnus. It was bound to happen. The Gnus now take a backseat to the family in the heart of many Gnus and so we have expanded our roster to expect such missed games. But D, tell your league to cool it on the Monday games!

* Greg can't play 9:30 games anymore. The guy's bedtime is 9:00. No one was happier that we were moving to a park without lights, within walking distance to his house then Greg. Although he is more likely to have his mom drop him off at the field than actually walk or ride his bike.

* Kevin can learn. Now, long after the fact, it seemed like several times that Kevin touched the plate instead of the white line, he ended the season scoring several runs that weren't called outs.

* Kevin has a hard head. The half funny/half scary collision into the backstop at the Complex was one of the memorable moments of the year. His head hit the backstop harder than Trent Green's hit the turf in Kansas City. That graceful stumble gave him a concussion and blood running down his knees but he soldiered on.

* Erik Grotte is an athletic marvel. Erik had more environmental handicaps to physical performance throughout the year than anyone but still made several Newcastle Defensive Plays of the Game and is the Samuel Adams Player of the Game for the final week of the season. With a soft cast on his hand, Erik had a perfect night at the plate. That's amazing. A couple weeks prior, Erik played first base with a hard cast on his hand. He played a couple innings at second base earlier in the season with his son's little league mit after the mit that he probably used in little league was shredded by a line drive. And, of course, he often plays the game with jeans on, like the real cowboys do.

* Kirk Giberson is the smoothest fielder on the Gnus (when not wearing golf clothes). One of our excellent mid-year pickups this year was Kirk. At the start of the season, he did not have softball equipment, only golf equipment. He still wears the golf batting gloves as a shout out to his true sporting love, golf. But he no longer wears golf shoes and looks more like a softball player out there than a golfer. As the season moved along, he not only turned into a hitting machine, but turned every ground ball into a slick looking out. Glad you're with us, Kirk.

* Keith Galliano's married! When did that happen? All the sudden his Gnus' dues checks have a girl's name on them. I don't even think it was that recent of a development. He has always quietly done his business getting hits, playing solid defense and now he is quietly getting married. Of course, until she comes to a game, it cannot be officially recognized.

* Mike finds himself funnier than anyone else does. He also likes the write crap about all his friends as a test to see if they will still hangout with him despite things he publishes on the world wide web. Oh, and he cannot hit the ball to the opposite field.

* Pete Nixon throws hard. Despite the flowery pony tail hat he has worn, he can fell a man with a flick of his wrist. In the Bad Gnus Play of the Year for 2006, Pete threw a ball right down the middle of the opposing runner's "strike zone" as he rounded third. I'm not going to drudge it all up again here. Scroll down for the original story. It's funny everytime I think about it.

* John Weisenfarth doesn't know the base coach sign for "stop here at third". He's very exciting to watch on the bases. He takes the cavalier base running that the Gnus were founded on into the current day. He always seems to be flying around the bases whether the ball is waiting in front of him or not.

* Bill Moebs' job sucks. Dude missed two months worth of games because he was working every night until 10. When he did finally start showing up and got his tye dye on, Bill was a good player and another fine mid-year pickup. He just can't play in June and July.

* Bill Appleton has the coolest sister. In one of the best developments in Bad Gnus history, Bill worked a sponsorship deal for free Sam Adams beer for after the games. I still think we only see about 20% of the beer she gives him for the team. It's a small price to pay for Bill to ice it down and bring it each week.

* Doug Wormald can hit it out. For the first time in who knows how many years, a Bad Gnu went yard. Doug took care of business with one of Crazy Joaquin's borrowed bats. It might have been our only run in that game. Chicks dig the long ball!

* Sean McDaniel plays a solid right field. Sean made his debut at the end of the season and mostly played right field. He got a lot of action out there and made some tough catches look easy and some easy catches look tough. We will see more of him next year and learn something juicier.


* Ted Messner likes to swing it. Don't think Ted took a pitch all year. After Ted mocked the tracking of walks on the Gnus, the walk rate dropped faster than a guy rounding third when Pete has a ball in his hands. (The big white one, not his left or right.)


* Ted Messner exists. Ted has a conflict on Monday nights which makes showing up for our games kinda tough. He did make it out for a few games to prove he is more than just a name on the roster.

* Doug Hart might not exist. Doug is always quick to quip on the e-mails, but he was once again on the injured list for the entire year. Many Gnus don't have any idea who he is. After starting the 2005 season with a 3 for 3 night, he hurt his, heck, I don't even remember which one was first. He's been in a cast, sling, brace or head cone for two years straight. He kept threatening to come out and take comprimising photos of us, but only made it out for half of the opening night game. It will be interesting to see what ailment keeps him out of opening day 2007.

No matter what, we had a memorable season. Thanks to you all for showing up and contributing to the fun. I hope you all had as much fun as I did. This is a great group of guys and it seems like the players that have been added to the Bad Gnus family fit in perfectly. Have a great offseason. I hope that I will see you all many times before our next opening day.

A Letter from Bill Appleton's Goldfish

Hi Bad Gnus,

I'm Goldie, Bill Appleton's goldfish. I thought I'd send you all a letter as the long winter of the Bad Gnus offseason is upon us. First off, I don't want you to think that my human Bill lacked creativity and named me after my species. Bill is a very bright human who is well read. He named me after his favorite downtown bookstore. It is a special place for him is that is where he met his girlfriend. She never says very much but she always sits stiffly on the couch over there with her mouth open.

Overall, it is very cool being Bill's goldfish. He comes and goes a lot so he walks by and taps on the tank every time he heads out the door. Usually when he comes back he just falls asleep right on the floor in front of me instead of going to his bedroom. He doesn't take off his clothes or shoes or anything. I love it when we have sleepovers! Sometimes they're kind of smelly in the morning though.

I like it when he practices pickup lines on me. If I think they would work, I swim through my skull laying on the bottom of my tank and wiggle my tail. If not, I float to the top. It's really hot up there with the lamp, so I hope he gets some new lines soon. This weekend's assortment have been "You look great in shiny, orange shorts", "Would you like a job at an airport?" and "How's it goin'? Are you flowin'?". I don't know if he says the shiny orange shorts line to flatter me personally or not. I always give him a skull lap for that one.

One of the interesting things about living with Bill is all the friends that come over. Most recently, he has this girl there who is very sweet. I want her to practice lines on me, too. It is Bill's job to show her that all men aren't pigs. If anyone can show her how noble the male gender is, it is my man Bill. I like her a lot better then his last guest, Entourage. I didn't like how he treated Bill's stiff girlfriend when Bill was asleep.

The reason for this letter Gnus, is to ask for your help with my friend Bill during football season. He tends to get a little rowdy. With up to 4 days of football every week, we are having more and more sleepovers. I especially hate it when he watches the game here. I don't like to drink beer but he insists on letting me "celebrate" with him if no friends are here. And heaven forbid if his team is playing a "fish" team like the Dolphins. He goes temporarily insane. He keeps pointing his fingers at me and saying "Culpepper you suck!". I don't know how he can forget my name after all this time.

I am hoping that you can watch the games with him sometime so we can just have a nice quiet sleepover when he returns. How about Monday, October 2nd at Mandango's on Fulton. Packers vs. Eagles. Game time is 5:30.

Thanks in advance for your help!

Goldie

It's a Beautiful Night

A lot has happened in the world of the Bad Gnus since this reporter has opined on the events. The Gnus had actually crawled back to .500 at 3-3. The league was talking about the Gnus. This time it was actually good things. Sure, there were still comments about the tye dye, our constant player whoring and Pete's ponytail hat. But this time there was a buzz that the cool dudes in cool shirts with the cool beer sponsorship had some hot skills. Luckily, we were able to quickly put a stop to all of that nonsense.

Surprisingly, the injuries that we had endured has not hampered us. Erik's been playing with a cast on this hand. Pete played with a foot the size and color of Shrek's. Doug Hart... Well, Doug's going to be healthy in the spring. Fall youth sports have crept in and made the roster less predictable. Between soccer and the nurturing of the future second baseman for your Sacramento River Cats, Jared Rebensdorf, many Papa Gnus have missed time.

Tangent alert: We may need to start thinking about a different last name if JReb is going to take a step to the show. Something with an "ez" at the end of it like Rebenez, perhaps. I know my business career took off after I changed my last name from Oxard.

So five straight losses, led us into a game on a beautiful fall evening against of talented T-Sox team that the Gnus edged in their first meeting. After setting batting orders based on order of appearance to the field and alphabetical order in previous weeks, the manager went with the longest lasting Gnus. Some may cynically say that is the only way Mike could bat first. Fastest, no. Best hitter, no. Tallest, no. Youngest, no. Founder, yes! Sadly, batting clean up on the team was a guy who joined us last year.

The Gnus learned a lesson about the loyalty of whores as our #1 "player of the evening" left during warmups to play on the other team. That left the Gnus with 9 players against the T-Sox' 10. It didn't matter in the first inning as the beautifully constructed lineup resulted in the Gnus batting around, but stranding the bases loaded. The defense came to play and put the T-Sox down 1-2-3 in the bottom of the first. The next few innings resulted in much of the same hard hit balls by the Gnus and stranding runners on the bases. The T-Sox, especially their third baseman, continued to field hard hit balls and make clutch outs. After 4 innings the score was 6-2 and it seemed like it was 16-2.

Slowly, the T-Sox pulled closer and closer to the lead. The Gnus had tired of all the baserunning and were going to rest on their laurels and get ready to crack some beers. In the 6th inning, with the sun below the horizon, the T-Sox pulled within one run. The umpire said there was time for one more inning, but forgot to tell our bats. After another quiet inning, the Gnus had a one run cushion to protect. After a lead off single, the Bad Gnus turned in the Defensive Play of the game. A simple two hopper to third turned into a double play of a fast runner because of the wonderful pivot by Bill Moebs at second. That was the second double play of the game that Bill turned from a grounder to third. This one looked like it would seal the game. Way to go Bill!

Two outs in the bottom of the last inning and the last batter on the T-Sox at the plate looked promising. But after a walk, the top of the order put together consecutive singles to tie the game before Sean, in his second game with the Gnus hauled in another nice catch in right field to force extra innings.

In the eighth, the Bad Gnus bats came alive again, scoring 3 runs before Mike could end the inning with a bases loaded double play to the third baseman. No fair putting their best fielder at the only place I can hit the ball! In the bottom half, the T-Sox threatened after one guy put one to the tennis courts for our second rule aided hit that prohibited a home run. But the T-Sox were only able to put one across, giving the Bad Gnus an excellent 9-7 win over a quality opponent.

The Samuel Adams Player of the Game was down to two people. Howard Hughes was back! He was hitting everywhere. Taking extra bases including a very important extra base in the last inning as a pinch runner for Bill. He was the first run in that key inning. One of our smaller fans at the game, Ted Giberson, was overheard saying "Dad, he's just like Ichiro". He is just Ichiro - runs down balls in the outfield, cannon arm, basehits every time up and a limited command of the English language. However, the award this week goes to Bill Moebs. Sporting the tye dye for the first time prompted Bill to put in his best effort with the Gnus. He had 3 solid hits and played and flawless second base, including the defensive play of the game. Great game, Bill.

It was nice to play so well near the very end of the season. We only made one error and up and down the order people were hitting the ball hard. The last game of the season is Monday at 5:15 (!!!) Please be there and help Bill finish some Sammies. What we don't drink, he will have to, so let's do Bill a solid.

2 Game Winning Streak!

First streak of this length all year! We should be able to spread it to 3 on Monday. Our opponent, Don't Panic, is rumored to have not won a game in 5 years. Hello, Bad Gnus!

This week's game was pretty ugly. The Bad Gnus, gutted out a 6-4 victory, relying on their 4th string pitcher. Mixing walks, strikeouts and barbs to the opposing batters, John was a strong presence on the hill. John raced over from the emergency room at Kaiser in his scrubs. He wore his tye dye under his scrubs all day. That's good mojo.

There was a story that John had to call a t.o.d. on the ER table at 6:40 so that he could make game time. Maybe another 15 minutes and a few more shots from the paddles of life could have saved her. But John knew where his priorities lay. Speaking of outstanding commitment to the Gnus, Todd Sanfilippo spent the evening of his 13th wedding anniversary at the ballyard! No word yet if he spent the night of his 13th anniversary on his couch. Now, I don't know about the priorities of the record 5 Gnus that were on vacation on a Monday night. Doug will argue he was on a business trip, but if you are golfing during the day and drinking at night, that's a vacation, buddy. Used to be that the Gnus would leave on vacation on Tuesday and return on Sunday. Those were the days. By the way, I won't be at the game this Monday, Ryan has soccer practice.

Nothing too exciting happened in the game to recap. Bill recruited Arden Park softball whore Greg (not our Greg) to play on the team. Good work, Bill. He also brought his friend Jeff, fresh off the set of Entourage. Dude had the very stylish LA style vans with no laces and faux-shoelace rings. Jeff actually missed an inning because he was on a cell phone call. Now give Bill credit for having his friend's back, but Bill insistance that Jeff is making a movie and is on a business call was shot down after Jeff was overheard saying, in a sweet voice "I got a hit and an RBI". I don't think Jennifer Aniston's agent cares how he was doing in the game. Or maybe it was Jenna Jamison's agent. There was discussion in the dugout as to the types of films Jeff might be associated with.

Despite all the grief that I can give to Jeff, I was very pleased that he was out there. Not only was he a good guy, but he is the rare "Rex Davis" that is taking the Sam Adams Player of the Game. He was 3 X 3 and knocked in a couple of runs. He always seemed to be up or on base in a critical time of the game. His quick reflexs resulted in the final out of the game as he snagged a foul tip before it hit the ground. Good game Jeff. I'm sure after crashing at Bill's house for a while, you have had all the Sam Adams you can take.

Remaining Arden Park Schedule

I guess I should've posted this a while ago, but for your reference here is the remaining schedule....

8/7 7:00 v. T-Sox
8/14 6:00 v. Don't Panic
8/15 6:00 v. Ahern Construction (It's a Tuesday!!)
8/21 7:00 v. The Long Islanders
8/28 6:00 v. Hanks
9/4 7:00 v. Silver Bullets (Yup, that's Labor Day)
9/11 7:00 v. T-Sox
9/18 6:00 v. Don't Panic

Plan your vacations accordingly!!

The Bad Gnus are Back!!

This has been one of the rockier stretches in the 15 year history of the Bad Gnus. The softball complex ran us out after repeated drubbings to Floyd Landis' and Justin Gatlin's of the softball world. Actually, I'm not sure if the other teams were fueled by steriods, meth or satan. Either way, the Bad Gnus are fueled by mind-numbing, reaction-slowing, gut-expanding, and might I add delicious, beer.

The new field held promises of closer games, older competition and a shorter commute. We found out that, contrary to popular the saying, 2 out of 3 was indeed bad afterall. After 3 games, the Bad Gnus record stood at 0 - 3. Two of the teams were even older than the Gnus. I felt bad yelling at and threatening the AARP member during the third game of the slide. I believe the mounting frustration was getting to me. In three games, the Bad Gnus scored 6 runs! Sure, it would be at least 7 if Kevin would have run to the stupid line instead of the plate as he has done for nearly 40 years. Yup. I know this is a tangent, but Kev turns the big 4-0 on September 22!! I can't really blame Kev. Oh sure, there is plenty to blame him for in the grand scheme of things, but touching the plate to kill a rally when the plate is the universal baseball symbol for scoring a run can be forgiven. I know there are those out there that might say "but hasn't he been the catcher during all of these drubbings in which opponent after opponent has touched the line and not the plate". All I can really say to that is, "Leave Kevin alone, he's my buddy."

This night would be different. There was a different feeling from the get-go. Bill had brought a full ice chest of chilled Sam Adams Summer. (The early favorite for the prestigious Mike Maves Beer of the Year award!) We were matching our Sam Adams sponsorship against a team called the Silver Bullets, who were sponsored by some watered-down waste of aluminum. There were 11 Gnus before the game started and all had on the tye dye. The oppressive heat of the summer had momentarily cooled for the most pleasant evening in weeks. Yes, tonight would be different.

The lineup was completed on bright pink paper and would remain so until the Bad Gnus pushed across 10 runs in a game. Would this be the night that turns the lineup into the typical writing frantically on a scrap of paper 2 minutes before gametime? Or would pink be our new signature color? After a maddening (for the Silver Bullets) array of bloop hits actually dropped for the Bad Gnus for a change, the bats started to come alive. With the bases loaded and one run already in. Keith lofted a deep sacrifice fly to score Kevin. But wait. No he didn't! Kevin once again stepped on the plate for the third out and killing the rally. Keeping with his season-long vigilance of helping the umpires make the right call, Pete pointed out the transgression to the Blue. Pete's the most honest real estate agent in history. I have heard a lot of adjectives that people use when describing commercial real estate agents. Honest is usually the first one and it is one of the few clean ones.

After a quick inning of defense the Bad Gnus finally broke lose. 8 runs were plated in the 2nd inning. The inning was highlighted by Kevin scoring and actually running across the line and not touching the plate. Good job, Kev!

For the first time in a long time, the Bad Gnus had a solid lead and could coast the rest of the way. The shutout was lost, but the hitting continued. The Gnus rolled up 6 more runs on their way to a 15-3 beat down of the Silver Bullets. Most people had a very solid night with the bat. Don't think it is unrelated to everyone but Howard refusing to use his cursed bat. I'm not sure what witch doctor on e-bay Howard purchased that bat from, but it is not doing any favors to our best hitter. Howard did sneak a ball through the infield in the last inning to avoid the sombrero. He has one hit in a row! Howard took his slump so hard, he refused the post game victory beer afterward.

I can't recall all that many great defensive plays this week. I should mention the amazing running catch Erik Grotte made the previous week in right-center. That was an awesome catch! This week, the Bad Gnus played very solid defensive but nothing too spectacular. Doug showed off his cannon as he threw out a guy trying to stretch a single into a double to start off the game. Bill made a nice strectch to complete a line out double play that Mike tried to throw over his head. I will give the award this week to Pete. No, not for his defense that kept Kevin from scoring in the first inning. Pete made a nice running, shoe top catch on a sinking liner in centerfield. Nice play, Pete!

The Samuel Adams Player of the Game this week is a bit of a tough one. So many people played well. However, the award this week goes to Kirk Giberson! In only his fourth game with the Gnus, he collected three solid hits and looks oh so smooth at second base. In one inning he made a nice smooth pickup on a grounder to his left. Then played a back hand to his right on the next batter. He made each play look routine. This week he was even in uniform. He finally received his Gnus shirt and immediately it paid off. Also, he has ditched his golf shoes for some softball shoes. That has to help. He is stil sporting the golf glove, but whatever works for him is fine with us. Great game, Kirk!

Next week's game is at 7:00 (not 6:00) as I was spouting after the game. Let's keep the winning going. We are missing at least 4 people from last week's game, including our pitcher and back up pitcher. Be looking for fill-ins now!

Finally, a Thriller!

It was a beautiful night for softball and for just a few minutes on a warm summer evening, things looked like all was right in the world of the Bad Gnus. Five minutes before game time there were 10 Bad Gnus at the yard! There would be no player whoring in the bathroom this night. As the Bad Gnus trotted out to the field, there was the encouraging sight of Howard in left field and not the bumbling load, holding his right butt check the whole game that has been out there. The other welcome sight was Derrick at shortstop. In the top of the first, Derrick made a wonderful 6-3 double play to end the Limelight's first inning without a run.

Optimism was running rampant through the dugout as the Gnus came to bat in the bottom of the first. However, the rust that comes with months of Bad Gnus inactivity for the two prodigal Gnus was a splash of reality water thrown in their dreaming faces. In trying to describe Howard's first at bat for the Gnus in over a month, I searched and searched my keyboard for the appropriate key. I've tried this one (?l) and this one (7l) and this one(>l). I've searched the internet for the appropriate emoticon. I didn't know a smiley face could do so many things! I didn't know whether to go with the one that turns green then barfs or the one that just stands there looking at me. After all of this, I'm just going to say that Howard owes us some beer. That about explains it. Derrick didn't want his compadre-in-absence to go alone and quickly bounced into a 6-4-3 double play during his first at bat.

The game did feature two D league teams for the first time in a while. For the first 5 innings the Bad Gnus played more like a F league team. It was refreshing seeing the other team make an occassional error and not all of their hitters bouncing the ball of the fence. They did have one guy who knocked one over Howard's head his first time up and over Howard's head and the fence's head the next time. But with two outs in the bottom of the fifth, the Bad Gnus had still failed to score. But John Wiesenfarth barrelled toward third and completely ignored third base coach Doug's stop sign and raced toward home. Or more specifically the general area of home. John ran about 10 feet to the side of the plate in full view of the Gnus and the umpire who was patiently waiting for the defense to realize it and tag him out. The Bad Gnus did not want to make a scene and were trying to get John's attention to touch the plate. The catcher threw the ball back to the pitcher and the dugout erupted with a "John, touch the plate!!". The shutout was averted!

The Bad Gnus gave up 3 more runs in the top of the 6th and the scoreboard showed 11-0, Limelight, withholding our lone run of the night. After a brief discussion with the scorekeeper, the Bad Gnus were credited with a run. However, we didn't need the old lady scorekeeper to pile on. Her comment was something like "wull, I pushed her, but it mussn't had known whut to do since I've hadn't touched it all ding dang game. It's like when my babies was playin in the Rio Linder little league and that darn Vern's Hardware team just never could plum get any one in". Then she spit out a little of her chew. Well maybe that's what that's what my mind perceived, but it was something like that.

With two outs and nobody on the in the bottom of the sixth, the Gnus slowly spung to life. Mike singled and that was followed by about 8 more consecutive hits to bring the game to a respectable 11-7. The Gnus finally felt alive! They were back in it. They remembered how to score. The Gnus gave up a couple more runs in the top of the seventh, but they had a good feeling going into the bottom of the inning. They picked up right where they left off and quickly picked up 4 runs before there were any out. Then with two out and the bases loaded, Keith drilled a single into left scoring the tying run and John Wiesenfarth came storming around third. Once again ignoring his third base coach's plea to stop. John actually headed for the plate this time and slid hard and perhaps was under the tag, but he was called out. Solid effort to slide to score the winning run by the newest Gnu.

Much to the chagrin of the 9:30 teams who were already late to get started, this game was going to extra innings! The Limelight was also surprised to be in extra innings after holding what looked to be a very safe 11-1 lead. The comeback was right out of the Bad Gnus history books. Only the Bad Gnus could play completely horrible for almost 6 complete innings to nearly win it in the bottom of the 7th. The Gnus often play as if their games are scripted. The material if often fresh and surprising, but this twist was not one that anyone wanted to see. The Bad Gnus gave up 10 runs in the top of the 8th to go down 23-13. It was time for the Bad Gnus to perform one more time this night. After already scoring big in two consecutive innings, were they up for a third go around at their age? No matter how much the Limelight nibbled our ears or kissed our neck, we rolled right over and went to sleep. Typical. The final score was 23-15.

The Defensive Play of the Game could well have Doug's sliding catch in right center in the 8th inning to get a crucial out. The throw to second from his backside almost doubled up the surprised runner. Erik also made a beautiful tumbling catch going into right from second base that was very impressive. But the play of the game this week is awarded to Derrick Rebensdorf. Not just for one particular play but for his role in three double plays during the game. He took two 6-3 double plays then turned a nice 1-6-3 number in the late innings that was key. It was very nice having D out at shortstop again! Let's hope he didn't mess up his knee by refusing the courtesy runner.

The Newcastle Player of the Game could also go to Derrick. He played great defense and had three solid hits reminding everyone why he is the starting shortstop and cleanup hitter on the all-time Bad Gnus team. The NPOG this week goes to John Wiesenfarth. John went 4 for 4 and displayed the reckless running prowess of a lifelong Gnu, but slid like a new guy. Great enthusiasm! He scored our first run of the game and almost scored the game winner. He has been a fine pick up for the team. Great game, John.

Next week's game is at 9:30. Everyone get a nap!

The Summer G-D League Schedule

6/12 6:30 v. The Buindy's
6/19 8:30 v. Limelight Cardroom
6/26 9:30 v. Capital Christian Center
7/03 HOLIDAY
7/10 7:30 v. The Pig Farmers
7/17 BYE
7/24 8:30 v. Referee's
7/31 6:30 v. Rage
8/07 9:30 v. URS
8/14 7:30 v. The Big Donkeys

Please let me know in advance if you cannot make a game. I'm going to assume you can make every game. Assuming that actually will not make an ass out of me as goes the saying, just u if you don't let me know. :)

Bad Gnus Score 4 in Last Inning

(Hang in there. I had some time to kill at work today. This is a long one.)

This year is not turning out to be very competitive. Once again, the softball complex only has one men's league on Monday nights. Whether you are a bunch of meth-head, athletic tourneyment teamers, like the Buindy's that we faced last night, or you are a bunch of beer-bellied, 30 or 40-somethings that play once a week, everyone is in the same league. No amount of tantrums by our manager is going to change it. Hopefully, half the league will be actual D league teams and those games will be closer. This season will likely end our association with the softball complex. Be on the lookout for new locales. The faves right now are Howe Park and Arden Park.

Despite the outcome, it is always great to go out to the yard with the fellas. the Bad Gnus are and always will be an exceptional group of guys. Even though we were down 14-0 after the top of the first, who would've wanted to miss out on Bill tripping on first base after hustling to not hit into a double play. Well, maybe Bill. But the rest of us had a hoot. I mean you get to see the roll... the huge dust cloud... the feet in the air... It's beautiful. Already made me forget that I followed that up by hitting into a double play myself. It was topped off by seeing the blood running down his leg when he came back to the dugout. He'll be picking gravel out of the pus-ridden, swolled gash for weeks.

The Buindy's had our old buddy Joaquin out in right field! I never wrote up the game that Joaquin whored for us. Dude was something else. Every ball hit, no matter where it was, you would hear a loud "I go!" and he'd run and cut someone off for the ball. I have never seen someone with his energy level on the softball field. Maybe he drinks a lot of coffee. Yeah, that's what it is. He seemed rather subdued last night. I think he was on the phone all night in the field. That's a bit of a sad commentary of our offensive prowess.

As I mentioned, the Buindy's scored 14 runs in the first inning, including two very long home runs. Joaquin batted three times in the inning. We only had four players bat three times the whole game. It took us three innings to get everyone one at bat. No matter how hard the other team hits the ball, if you don't score you can't win. After the first inning, the Buindy's only scored 5 times for some reason. They were only advancing one base at a time and their third home run counted as an out.

The top of the first inning did include our defensive play of the game. Our first out of the game came on a very hard hit line drive that was targeted for the grass in right center field before Erik Grotte's glove made what would be its last play of what appears to have been a very, very long life. Erik reached across his body and snared the shot backhanded. In the next inning, Erik almost made another great catch of a line drive, but the ball ripped through the dried and cracked leather laces holding the glove together. Erik played the rest of the game with his son's little league mitt with no noticable difference in play. Great play, Erik!

With the score 19-0 in the bottom of the fifth inning, the Bad Gnus put together a Bad Gnu inning. With a runner on, Erik Grotte drilled a ball to the wall in right center. Erik was using an Easton bat Joaquin supplied for us as he is sponsored by the bat company. Fittingly, the Bad Gnus have been trying all year to get sponsored by a beer company. Erik raced around the bases. As he turned for home, the Bad Gnus third base coaches, all conveniently located in the first base dugout, told Erik to hold up, but he ran right through that stop sign and challenged the arm of the shortstop who was holding the ball in shallow centerfield. The relay throw sailed wide and Erik had broked up the shutout and completed his inside the park home run!

That gave the Bad Gnus life. This week's Rex Davis (Rex was looking good this week!) ripped another hit, bringing up John Weisenfarth. John, this season's first alternate, which means he'll probably be asked to play every week, was making his second appearance for the Gnus. John smoked the ball into the right field corner for a double. But John, perhaps fueled by the earlier excitement provided by Erik, tested Joaquin's arm in right by going for third. The dugout was only hoping the good doctor would not slide before being tagged out to avoid witnessing an awkward self-examination, but John beat the throw! The ball got away from the third baseman and John took off for home, beating the catcher who was out of position and fell down trying to beat John to the plate. Another thrilling two run homer!

The league director, after hearing the Bad Gnus manager whine about the unfair competition earlier in the evening, notified us during the big rally that a fourth home run by the opposition would result in an ejection. The Buindy's only had 9 players, so an ejection would result in a forfeit and give the Bad Gnus the most improbable of comebacks. Doug had the plan to groove meatballs all inning to the muscle heads who can't keep the ball in the park, but the next inning only lasted one pitch, a long foul ball, before time expired. So close!

The Newcastle Player of the Game wasn't much of a struggle this week. Doug receives consideration as he put on the finest display of player whoring we've seen, pulling the guy in jeans away from his nachos to be our 9th player and 2nd whore right before the forfeit. What was that guy doing there anyway? He wasn't with anyone. He wasn't there to play as he didn't have a glove. (Wearing jeans cannot be a sign of not being ready to play anymore thanks to EG!) He wasn't even watching the games. He was just sitting in the beer garden, eating. Did he choose that as a restaurant? Doug also pitched well and I don't remember him doing anything embarrassing at the plate. But the winner this week goes to EG! Erik Grotte made the defensive play of the game, then played 3+ innings of defense with a little league glove. The also had the highlight reel homerun. Great game, Erik!

As part of his prize package, Erik will be able to open the first beer at parking lot camping following our next game. Well, that is the prize package. Game time is 8:30 on June 19. Please be there so doug doesn't need to troll for the next Rex Davis.

Bad News for the Bad Gnus

The whole evening was set up for something ugly. Only 6 of the 13 players on the roster confirmed their attendance for the night. With the recent lack of success in recent games, it was easy to understand people coming up with a variety of excuses for not being able to perform. It's not like I haven't heard these lines before. "I've got to see a guy about this thing". "I have a headache". "I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship". But so many times on one afternoon was quite disappointing. But at the last minute, Pete suddenly became available and Ted rearranged his evening a bit to sneak in some Bad Gnus-style humiliation. Leaving us just one guy short. That void was filled by Bill Moebs in his first career Bad Gnus start! (Thanks for coming out, Bill!) Kevin was put in charge of player whoring and I think he's got this thing down. Two guys ambled right up to him and asked to join the coolest team in town. Good thing, too. Greg forgot to set his clock forward (I thought that excuse only worked last month) and didn't show up until the end-of-the-game handshake.

Greg's absence left a large void on the mound. Backup pitcher Doug Wormald also couldn't make it out. (I think he said something about washing his hair.) This left the Gnus without a pitcher. Across the diamond, Pete recognized One-Nut McGee. He must be player whoring. Wait, there's the shortstop who played double A ball. I can't believe they are both whoring. Oh, and the big third basemen with the Seattle Mariner jersey made into a wife beater and the hairy shoulders. Bugger. This is who we played last week! Y'all wanna nother piece of this action, fools! Step up.

The Gnus jumped out to a quick 2-0 lead to support emergency pitcher Mike, who just as quickly gave it back and more. The outfielders were running back and forth from the fence retrieving balls for Mike. If the balls were all slobbery when they came back I would've thought I was playing fetch with Mojo. It's all just a blur until the other team's third baseman hit a ball so far they should've put a monkey on it and run some tests. It hit the top of the tree that towers over the fence in leftcenter field. This upset Mike a little who went into his commentary with the home plate umpire about teams playing in appropriate leagues. Kevin thought Mike should maybe not play any closer to the plate than third base if he was going to channel his brother all night. If an effort to prove he was channelling a 10 year boy instead, Mike vowed to not pitch to that batter the rest of the night.

That brings us to the Defensive Play of the Game. There wasn't a lot of great glove play during the game, so the Play goes to Mike. Keeping his word to not pitch to the player who plays softball more times during the week then he shows up to his construction job, Mike lofted two consecutive pitches very high and very outside. On the second, the enraged "D-leaguer" ran across the batter's area and smoked a pretty deep fly ball to the opposite field while moving. Yeah, he can hit. But the batter was out for leaving the batter's box. Unfortunately, the opposition didn't find that as amusing as Mike did, but Mike often finds himself more amusing than other people find him.

The scariest play of the night involved Kevin. I don't think that is the first time I have typed that sentence. As Kevin crossed the plate to cut the lead to single digits, he tripped on the mat and stumbled. Instead of just rolling in the dirt and giving everyone a good laugh and solid blog fodder, he tried to keep his feet. This stumbling lasted a good 10 feet until he slammed head first into the backstop. My initial reaction was to roll in the dugout floor, laughing with tears streaming down my face, but that quickly turned to concern for my best buddy. He got up, shook off the 8-count administered by the umpire and wandered around outside the dugout. He swore he was fine, but I'm pretty sure he saw all the tie dye, all the dust spinning around and the birds singing in his head and thought he was at a Pearl Jam concert. While blood running down both knees, a swollen and bruised hand and a growing knot on his head, Kevin stayed in the game. The classic part of this story is the affable umpire's comments following the game. He searched Kevin out and related a story with a smile on his face about how he was umpiring a game once and a catcher got hit in the head and swore he was fine. The catcher then ending up dead in the parking lot. No word on whether or not there was a hook on the handle of the door. Nice anedote, blue.

The rest of the game was pretty predictable. The score was a relatively close 17-6. The last couple innings, Bill Moebs came in as the relief pitcher and shut down the opposition. During his stint he kept his promise and hit the aforementioned batter with the pitch before getting him to harmlessly fly out to the fence.

The Sam Adams player of the game goes to Bill Appleton. Bill caught many of the balls that were thrown to him at first and had a couple of solid hits. His batting stood out above the rest of the muck wearing tie dye. Most importantly, he brought a trunk full of Sammy Summer all iced down to enjoy in the parking lot. That was easily the most enjoyable part of the game. Way to go, Bill.

The Beatings Continue

This has been a rough few weeks to be a Bad Gnu or one of the many faithful fans who apparently watch from afar. Our number of wins equal the total attendance for the season. Two weeks ago, we had my impressionable 12 year old nephew at the game. He didn't sleep for a week after witnessing the 27-4 beatdown at the hands of some people who are just much, much better at this than the Bad Gnus. Greg had to listen to questions at the dinner table like "Dad, are those guys, like major league baseball players or are you guys just getting really old?" When my niece kicked him under the table to wake him up (it was past 6:30 after all), Greg could only flinch thinking the rolls that were being passed were another screaming line drive coming at his head. There was still a Newcastle Player of the Game! Doug Wormald had two hits. That was a complete stand out performance in that game. The Bad Gnus actually had a 2-0 lead after a half of inning, but they couldn't hold the lead. I think the lead was gone after three batters. I have repressed this game so deep in my memory, I don't even remember the name of the team. Or maybe Matthew is right and I am just getting really old.

This past week, the Bad Gnus came out with an answer to all of our latest opponents with their buffed arms and rippled six packs. They came with a chilled twelve pack. (Thanks Erik!) The first game of the day-night double header also pitted a team that shouldn't be on the same field with the Bad Gnus. But this time it was the other way. Now, I wasn't at the game, so I have to reply on the report handed in by field reporter, softball hall-of-fame catcher and OG (original Gnu) Kevin Bakkie. Despite most of everyone playing down to the level of the competition, the Bad Gnus, led by Kevin staged a last inning comback after Kevin's fourth smashed hit of the game which easily plated somebody who got on base somehow. He couldn't remember. The Newcastle Player of the Game goes to....Kevin! Good job, Kev. Also the Defensive Play of the Game is back this week after the lack of quality plays the week before. Once again, it was field reporter Kevin who made an excellent catch of a decent throw by whoever was playing leftfield and made a stellar play to tag the runner who was attempting to score. Sounds like a nice all around game for Kevin.

Between games, the Bad Gnus went back to their roots and do what they do better than anyone in the league. They knocked down some cold ones. Erik Carlson nearly wrapped up Player of the Game before the game began by bringing a twelve pack. Unfortunately for Erik, they were all gone by the time I got there. (PS Erik, there's always a chance next week. I hear Pyramid Curve Ball is exceptional!) Sadly, Howard Hughes had to depart before the second game as The O.C. was about to come on and his bottle of White Zinfindel had been chilling all day in anticipation for the moment when Tiffany caught Britt in bed with her boyfriend who was supposed to be donating his kidney to his adopted brother from Cambodia.

The Bad Gnus took the field against a team that just lost the first game of their doubleheader against the Rage. That apparently amped these fellas up. The Bad Gnus didn't get a hit until the third inning. That's always a bad sign when the other team is throwing the ball underhand. The rumor was that the Shortstop played AA baseball. He looked like it. Most of their team could hit and hit well. They only jacked one out of the yard, but another guy hit the top of the fence to the opposite field and the rest of the team smoked hits all over the yard. Yeah, that game wasn't much fun. It was easier to swallow with the beer appetizer the Gnus enjoyed before the game. Kevin especially appeared to celebrate the previous game victory with gusto. The final was 20-2 but the real score was 20-19, Bad Gnus. that was the number of intact nuts each team had after they left the field. I know it was a bit tragic at the time and Pete felt real bad about it, but hopefully enough time has passed that he can laugh as hard we can. Only One-Nut McGee took the shot harder than Pete. But let's recap. Dude who is too good to be playing D ball, smokes one in the corner in left field. Mike hustles over (why is Mike still playing leftfield?) and fires the ball to Pete who turns and smoked the ball to third. Doug at third thought we were playing whiffleball and saw that Pete's throw was right on line to drill the runner who came around third and deftly avoided the ball. I don't know why the runner was facing left field, but his package was getting a good look at the ball Pete had rifled to the infield. All 20 guys in the game and the umpire put their own hands to their junk and cringed as the ball popped him right in the twig and berries. I haven't heard such a hush hit a field in all my years at the complex. The silence only broken by someone, I think, it was Greg telling someone else to tag him. The runner was out and probably wished he had blacked out. On the bench, several Gnus, especially Pete thought it was bogus to take the out there. I agreed to a point, but thought it was more bogus that a team with this much softball talent would play in a D league instead of a league more fitting of their talent. I shouldn't give the Newcastle Player of the Game to anyone since everyone played pretty crappy. So I'll spread it to two people. The award this week goes to Bill and Pete! Bill drove in a run in the second inning with a sacrafice fly with the bases loaded and no one out when we were trailing by 7. That's half our runs! But mainly Bill gets it as he brought just about every bat we use and stayed later than everyone else cleaning up all the equipment out of the dugout. Pete gets the award not for his hilarious defensive play of the game, but because of the humanity Pete showed. He felt very bad about the guy's injury and made sure to apologize and try to make good with the opposition after the play. For the first couple innings, I thought the Gnus were afraid to get on base for fear of retribution. It turned out that we just suck. Later in the game, the umpire completely blew a call in our favor at second base, but Pete told the umpire he was safe and the team continued to run around the bases like a merry-go-round. It was the right thing to do and karma will be back on our side. But what pushed him to 50% of the award this week, was Pete stepping up and buying pitchers following the game. Way to go fellas!

Game 2 Finally gets played

After 5 weeks of inactivity, the Bad Gnus took the field against the best team in the league. I would guess the best D league softball team in the city. Seems as if each one of the players on the roid Rage could smoke the ball anywhere on the field. But despite the long odds and the fear of a forfeit, the Bad Gnus put up a valient effort. In the top of the first, the offense was sparked by a single by Ted Messner then a single by Pete Nixon. They each took the extra base with agressive baserunning. That's the kind of recklessness that inspires the Gnus! Several more hits in the inning resulted in a brisk 4-0 lead after a half of an inning.

No one thought 4 runs would hold up against this team and it almost didn't make it through the first inning. Clinging to a 4-3 lead, a fly ball was lofted to Mike (what the heck is Mike doing in Left Field?!?). He circled under it and fired a perfect strike to Kevin's chest at the plate to easy get the runner tagging from third. That was your Bad Gnus Defensive Play of the Game! But in all, the Gnus were not able to keep the scoring pace. Despite strong performances up and down the lineup, the Gnus were trailing 16-8 going into the last inning.

With the infamous "Bad Gnu" inning still in their pocket, there was still a run in the boys. A hit by Erik Carlson plated the 12th run, but ErikGrotte was gunned out at third for the final out of the game. A solid comeback, but a loss none-the-less, 16-12.

Unfortunately, the stats were lost after the game! Very unfortunately for several Gnus that I know played very well, including Erik Carlson and Bill Appleton. Both those guys had multiple hit and at least one long hit. Bill had a stand up triple! Y'all know that ball had to roll for a while! But the Newcastle Player of the Game is awarded to Pete Nixon. Pete has 3 hits, scored at least twice and made several lunging and diving stops at second base. Great game, Pete!

Next week, the Bad Gnus play on back-to-back Mondays for the first time. Game time is at 7:30. That might be tough for some little league parents/coaches. See you then!