Oy! I'm Clayton's English Bulldog, Beckham. Nothing I love more than a game of footy. I remember the first time Clayton said he was having some of the blokes over for some football. I was thinking how ace that would be! I even stopped chewing the corner of the coffee table for a few days. Next thing I know, Clayton's getting all pissed and he puts a green shirt on me, the flippin git. Then we are watching these oversized, steroid freaks trying to kill each other between beer commercials.So I hears now you fancy lads are thinkin' of getting a little "soccer" on. A little lady-like for my taste. Going inside and playing on a half field. Don't get your knickers soiled, Nancy. You fat pieces of crap! I hear soccer and I immediately think of that sweet smelling cheese that grows in Clayton's trainers and tube socks when he gets back from playing basketball. Bloody hell, that funk really makes my nose curl up.
I hear the date has moved around a little bit. The new date is TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 17. Here is timetable for the evenings festivites:
5:30 Games begin. May the good Lord be with you. All you benders will meet at Off the Wall on South Watt. Google Map it, yourself. My paws are too fat to help you out there. Be prepared to drop 15-20 quid on Pete when you get there. This ain't free.
7:30 The games thankfully end. Jimmy won't be there to burst any more tendons, but that doesn't mean some of you chaps that aren't quite fit won't follow his book club lead and make Dr. John take you to Kaiser Emergency.
7:45 Take this sausage fest to Bisla's Sports Bar on Folsom Blvd behind Hornet Field. Those of you smart enough to join the gathering at this time will start the night there. Go on Folsom past Home Depot and under the freeway. It's on the left. Fancyapint? I know I would after watching two hours of knackered tossers with two left feet kick a ball off a wall. The Sacramento Kings game starts at 7:00. They should still be within 30 points at that time of the night. If you don't get too pissed, I suspect you all will end up at Longshot playing dice and playing awesome songs from bands like Art Brut, Arctic Monkeys and Queen on the juke until they flip on the lights and the cockroaches scurry. I plead with you, leave before the lights come on!Last interesting fact... it is the Big Sexy's birthday on the 18th. I'm sure he'd like nothing more than all of his buggering blokes to get together to bring in another year in his remarkable life. And buy him a pint or two, the cheap bastard.
Cheers,
Beckham
