Bad Gnus Continue Their Ascent

Wow. I don't know what to say. It's been years and years of chasing my white whales (I'm not calling the Ahern team fat, it's a literary reference. Sure, maybe a guy or two might need to realize that just because it's light beer and tastes like water, 10 Coors Lights is still 700 empty calories. But the Bad Gnus are not calling any pots black.) I feel a little like Inigo Montoya after he defeats the man with 6 fingers. I'm just not sure where to go from here.

Champagne has been running from all the faucets at Bad Gnus World Headquarters for two straight days. It's really been giving my hair a noticeable glean. I've been awoken by Queen's celebratory anthem all week. The birds' songs each day are a little nicer... the sunsets have been more dramatically beautiful... the guacamole on my burrito a little spicier... The world is just a better place now that the dragon has been slain.

How will the Bad Gnus move forward against Don't Panic this Tuesday at 7:00? You know those guys will be stumbling out of their smokey Scooby van at 6:50 all fired up to beat the only team they have taken down since medicinal marijuana was legalized.

Let's take a step back and bask in the glory that was Monday night. It was an unseasonably cold night for late May. That did not stop the requisite 10 to 15 future Gnus (Good Gnus!) from taking in their weekly whiffleball game, but it did surprisingly keep our hot wife number to a season low of 1.

The Bad Gnus wasted back to back hits to start the game as their 3-4-5 batters went down quietly. The second inning provided a second chance as the Gnus put together the first of their many two out rallies. Highlighted by The Howard's bases loaded triple to the firehouse parking lot, the Gnus took a 5-1 lead. Howard belted the ball all night. Pulling up on a possible double to end up only the double short of the cycle. He was hoping for a ground rule double to finish off the cycle. If he couldn't have it that way, he was content to wait until next week.

From there, the game was remarkably unremarkable. The Bad Gnus were up by 5 or 8 runs all game. Most the the Bad Gnus runs happened with two outs all night long. The Big Sexy wasted his at bats trying to rip B Diddy's head off and resulted in lazy fly balls. He was picked up by the lively bats up and down the order. Todd and Kevin both knocked the yellow off the ball all night and I believe every Bad Gnus had at least one hit.

The big story is the continued dominance of the lock down defense the Bad Gnus are displaying which is proving to be a hallmark of this 20th year of Bad Gnus softball. Once again, I cannot think of any errors. The defensive highlight of the game was provided by, who else, Newcastle Player of the Game, Howard Hughes. With the bases loaded and Ahern threatening to make a game of it, Howard made an excellent running catch of a drilled ball by Greg O'Connor. If that gets down, maybe the Bad Gnus don't coast home.

The final score: Bad Gnus 13 - Ahern/Upper Deckers/Off Regulary 7. Ahern scratched in 3 runs in the final frame to make the score appear closer than the game really was. I am hoping that this result will help Ahern switch to one of the Bad Gnus-approved names for their team. I'll be keeping my eye on the schedule for the summer league to look for the new name. Until then, I'll enjoy the glory of knowing the Bad Gnus destroyed Ahern, the Bad Gnus take the Upper Deckers and the Bad Gnus beat Off Regularly.

Rivalry Week !!

Coming this Monday - Bad Gnus v. Ahern. The Civil War of Arden Park. Brothers against brothers. One with a thirst for Coors Light. One with a thirst for real beer. One with a colorful 20 year tradition. One who likes to wear those boring grey Arden Park Champions shirts. Who ya got?




Fans

Bad Gnus - Sexiest women in town, tiltin' back brews, cheering on their men

Ahern - Rarely a fan in attendance

Kids

Bad Gnus - 10 - 15 kids running around playing whiffle ball, emulating their old men

Ahern - Likely home studying or helping around the house. Or playing shortstop.

Ice Chest

Bad Gnus - Sometimes ominously missing. But when there, filled with something special

Ahern - There every week, usually filled with cool refreshing Coors Light

Beertender

Bad Gnus - Overly enthusiastic 9 year old

Ahern - Self Service

Championship

Bad Gnus - There's a championship?

Ahern - Annually

Related Teammates

Bad Gnus - Big Sexy and G Money

Ahern - Bob and Robbie

Depending on your tastes, looks like a toss up. Many might say, "But Big Sexy, can a rivalry exist when one of the teams has never won?" Well, these teams share a special relationship. There are good friends across the teams and many players have helped out each team when in need. I always look forward to this game and the chance that we could actually win it. Let me tell you, this is the year!!

I played with Ahern last week against the Hanks. Now the Hanks have had their share of success with us over the years, but they are not getting any younger. (Sadly, neither are we.) The Bad Gnus are getting very close to taking the Hanks and it's going to happen one of these years. Well, the Hanks put a Hanky Spanky on the Aherns to the tune of 25-4. Now, perhaps my appearance at this game had a lot to do with this outcome. Ahern was missing several key performers. Most notably a pitcher. I'm not saying B Diddy can't pitch... No, that exactly what I am saying. B Diddy can't pitch. After 1, the score was 15-0 Hanks.

We have cultivated, watered and mostly fertilized the Aherns over the years. This is the year they are ripe for the picking! Make sure you are there when the Ahern harvest is finally realized. Game time is 7:00. Bring the kids, bring the wives, but most importantly, will someone please bring some beer!?!

Bad Gnus Put the Sleeves on the Meatheads

A wild day of 21st century, virtual player-whoring helped the Bad Gnus continue their torrid season start. A record 11 Gnus called in "sick" for the game this week. After a frantic emptying of the e-mail directory and the recision of "outs" from Greg and Howard, their were 11 players for the Gnus at game time. Unfortunately, the Balco Bombers/WIN Financial had only 7 players. Greg volunteered to pitch for the meatheads while a variety of players took turns catching for them.

Crazy, but Howard reported that one of the bros told him that they have a lot of little league issues this time of year. Normally, I'd be able to completely relate and sympathize. But I have a hard time believing any of these lug-heads see there kids any more frequently than every other weekend. Check out the liberal visitation these guys are getting! I suppose there is not a day care facility next Showgirls for their baby mamas to use.

Here are a few of the Bombers relaxing after the game at Park Ultra Lounge. Actually, the Bombers were a little more reserved than usual. These guys must of been busy coaching up those boys. "Stone, you better get yo' cleats up when you are sliding it to second! No pussy son of mine's going to avoid a tag."

We ended up with three Rex Davises (Davi?) who all contributed very well. None as well as Rex John Murphy who was 4 X 4 while holding down a solid first base. Doug pitched for the first time in 8 months and proved you don't need knee ligaments to throw strikes. Walked no one. Combine that with excellent defense and consistent hitting and you get a 17-5 Bad Gnus victory! That moves the Gnus to 3 and 1 on the season and on the brink of first place.

The Bad Gnus liked the flavor of Greg's pitches! There hasn't been something so tasty tossed underhand to me since the slow-motion, ice-cold Newcastle the Ahern boys tossed to me in thanks for picking up a game with them. The Gnus batted around in the first inning by drilling the ball all over the field. They started hot in the next inning until Teddy Ballgame scooped a ball at the plate. He can't stop himself from making spectacular digs.

The Big Sexy was a wizard with his glove. He was channeling his inner Brooks Robinson or at least his inner Eddie Shaldone. A new Arden Park (note: unofficial) record was made by the 12 outs by a third baseman Mike had a hand in. Don't expect that on a weekly basis..

In fact, the whole team is just straight picking the ball with the glove this year! I don't believe there were any errors for entire team. That has been a constant in the early season and clearly the reason for the early season success of the Bad Gnus.

Overall it was a great night of softball. There was a big crowd watching the game in beautiful weather. The Galliano family made their first visit to a Gnus game! Sadly, there was no beer!! WTF? There needs to be some kind of system set up. That's just poor team management right there.

Next up: Beach Hut. They are undefeated from what I hear. But they haven't played the best team in the league yet. Bring it on, sandwich slingers!