Bad News for the Bad Gnus

The whole evening was set up for something ugly. Only 6 of the 13 players on the roster confirmed their attendance for the night. With the recent lack of success in recent games, it was easy to understand people coming up with a variety of excuses for not being able to perform. It's not like I haven't heard these lines before. "I've got to see a guy about this thing". "I have a headache". "I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship". But so many times on one afternoon was quite disappointing. But at the last minute, Pete suddenly became available and Ted rearranged his evening a bit to sneak in some Bad Gnus-style humiliation. Leaving us just one guy short. That void was filled by Bill Moebs in his first career Bad Gnus start! (Thanks for coming out, Bill!) Kevin was put in charge of player whoring and I think he's got this thing down. Two guys ambled right up to him and asked to join the coolest team in town. Good thing, too. Greg forgot to set his clock forward (I thought that excuse only worked last month) and didn't show up until the end-of-the-game handshake.

Greg's absence left a large void on the mound. Backup pitcher Doug Wormald also couldn't make it out. (I think he said something about washing his hair.) This left the Gnus without a pitcher. Across the diamond, Pete recognized One-Nut McGee. He must be player whoring. Wait, there's the shortstop who played double A ball. I can't believe they are both whoring. Oh, and the big third basemen with the Seattle Mariner jersey made into a wife beater and the hairy shoulders. Bugger. This is who we played last week! Y'all wanna nother piece of this action, fools! Step up.

The Gnus jumped out to a quick 2-0 lead to support emergency pitcher Mike, who just as quickly gave it back and more. The outfielders were running back and forth from the fence retrieving balls for Mike. If the balls were all slobbery when they came back I would've thought I was playing fetch with Mojo. It's all just a blur until the other team's third baseman hit a ball so far they should've put a monkey on it and run some tests. It hit the top of the tree that towers over the fence in leftcenter field. This upset Mike a little who went into his commentary with the home plate umpire about teams playing in appropriate leagues. Kevin thought Mike should maybe not play any closer to the plate than third base if he was going to channel his brother all night. If an effort to prove he was channelling a 10 year boy instead, Mike vowed to not pitch to that batter the rest of the night.

That brings us to the Defensive Play of the Game. There wasn't a lot of great glove play during the game, so the Play goes to Mike. Keeping his word to not pitch to the player who plays softball more times during the week then he shows up to his construction job, Mike lofted two consecutive pitches very high and very outside. On the second, the enraged "D-leaguer" ran across the batter's area and smoked a pretty deep fly ball to the opposite field while moving. Yeah, he can hit. But the batter was out for leaving the batter's box. Unfortunately, the opposition didn't find that as amusing as Mike did, but Mike often finds himself more amusing than other people find him.

The scariest play of the night involved Kevin. I don't think that is the first time I have typed that sentence. As Kevin crossed the plate to cut the lead to single digits, he tripped on the mat and stumbled. Instead of just rolling in the dirt and giving everyone a good laugh and solid blog fodder, he tried to keep his feet. This stumbling lasted a good 10 feet until he slammed head first into the backstop. My initial reaction was to roll in the dugout floor, laughing with tears streaming down my face, but that quickly turned to concern for my best buddy. He got up, shook off the 8-count administered by the umpire and wandered around outside the dugout. He swore he was fine, but I'm pretty sure he saw all the tie dye, all the dust spinning around and the birds singing in his head and thought he was at a Pearl Jam concert. While blood running down both knees, a swollen and bruised hand and a growing knot on his head, Kevin stayed in the game. The classic part of this story is the affable umpire's comments following the game. He searched Kevin out and related a story with a smile on his face about how he was umpiring a game once and a catcher got hit in the head and swore he was fine. The catcher then ending up dead in the parking lot. No word on whether or not there was a hook on the handle of the door. Nice anedote, blue.

The rest of the game was pretty predictable. The score was a relatively close 17-6. The last couple innings, Bill Moebs came in as the relief pitcher and shut down the opposition. During his stint he kept his promise and hit the aforementioned batter with the pitch before getting him to harmlessly fly out to the fence.

The Sam Adams player of the game goes to Bill Appleton. Bill caught many of the balls that were thrown to him at first and had a couple of solid hits. His batting stood out above the rest of the muck wearing tie dye. Most importantly, he brought a trunk full of Sammy Summer all iced down to enjoy in the parking lot. That was easily the most enjoyable part of the game. Way to go, Bill.

The Beatings Continue

This has been a rough few weeks to be a Bad Gnu or one of the many faithful fans who apparently watch from afar. Our number of wins equal the total attendance for the season. Two weeks ago, we had my impressionable 12 year old nephew at the game. He didn't sleep for a week after witnessing the 27-4 beatdown at the hands of some people who are just much, much better at this than the Bad Gnus. Greg had to listen to questions at the dinner table like "Dad, are those guys, like major league baseball players or are you guys just getting really old?" When my niece kicked him under the table to wake him up (it was past 6:30 after all), Greg could only flinch thinking the rolls that were being passed were another screaming line drive coming at his head. There was still a Newcastle Player of the Game! Doug Wormald had two hits. That was a complete stand out performance in that game. The Bad Gnus actually had a 2-0 lead after a half of inning, but they couldn't hold the lead. I think the lead was gone after three batters. I have repressed this game so deep in my memory, I don't even remember the name of the team. Or maybe Matthew is right and I am just getting really old.

This past week, the Bad Gnus came out with an answer to all of our latest opponents with their buffed arms and rippled six packs. They came with a chilled twelve pack. (Thanks Erik!) The first game of the day-night double header also pitted a team that shouldn't be on the same field with the Bad Gnus. But this time it was the other way. Now, I wasn't at the game, so I have to reply on the report handed in by field reporter, softball hall-of-fame catcher and OG (original Gnu) Kevin Bakkie. Despite most of everyone playing down to the level of the competition, the Bad Gnus, led by Kevin staged a last inning comback after Kevin's fourth smashed hit of the game which easily plated somebody who got on base somehow. He couldn't remember. The Newcastle Player of the Game goes to....Kevin! Good job, Kev. Also the Defensive Play of the Game is back this week after the lack of quality plays the week before. Once again, it was field reporter Kevin who made an excellent catch of a decent throw by whoever was playing leftfield and made a stellar play to tag the runner who was attempting to score. Sounds like a nice all around game for Kevin.

Between games, the Bad Gnus went back to their roots and do what they do better than anyone in the league. They knocked down some cold ones. Erik Carlson nearly wrapped up Player of the Game before the game began by bringing a twelve pack. Unfortunately for Erik, they were all gone by the time I got there. (PS Erik, there's always a chance next week. I hear Pyramid Curve Ball is exceptional!) Sadly, Howard Hughes had to depart before the second game as The O.C. was about to come on and his bottle of White Zinfindel had been chilling all day in anticipation for the moment when Tiffany caught Britt in bed with her boyfriend who was supposed to be donating his kidney to his adopted brother from Cambodia.

The Bad Gnus took the field against a team that just lost the first game of their doubleheader against the Rage. That apparently amped these fellas up. The Bad Gnus didn't get a hit until the third inning. That's always a bad sign when the other team is throwing the ball underhand. The rumor was that the Shortstop played AA baseball. He looked like it. Most of their team could hit and hit well. They only jacked one out of the yard, but another guy hit the top of the fence to the opposite field and the rest of the team smoked hits all over the yard. Yeah, that game wasn't much fun. It was easier to swallow with the beer appetizer the Gnus enjoyed before the game. Kevin especially appeared to celebrate the previous game victory with gusto. The final was 20-2 but the real score was 20-19, Bad Gnus. that was the number of intact nuts each team had after they left the field. I know it was a bit tragic at the time and Pete felt real bad about it, but hopefully enough time has passed that he can laugh as hard we can. Only One-Nut McGee took the shot harder than Pete. But let's recap. Dude who is too good to be playing D ball, smokes one in the corner in left field. Mike hustles over (why is Mike still playing leftfield?) and fires the ball to Pete who turns and smoked the ball to third. Doug at third thought we were playing whiffleball and saw that Pete's throw was right on line to drill the runner who came around third and deftly avoided the ball. I don't know why the runner was facing left field, but his package was getting a good look at the ball Pete had rifled to the infield. All 20 guys in the game and the umpire put their own hands to their junk and cringed as the ball popped him right in the twig and berries. I haven't heard such a hush hit a field in all my years at the complex. The silence only broken by someone, I think, it was Greg telling someone else to tag him. The runner was out and probably wished he had blacked out. On the bench, several Gnus, especially Pete thought it was bogus to take the out there. I agreed to a point, but thought it was more bogus that a team with this much softball talent would play in a D league instead of a league more fitting of their talent. I shouldn't give the Newcastle Player of the Game to anyone since everyone played pretty crappy. So I'll spread it to two people. The award this week goes to Bill and Pete! Bill drove in a run in the second inning with a sacrafice fly with the bases loaded and no one out when we were trailing by 7. That's half our runs! But mainly Bill gets it as he brought just about every bat we use and stayed later than everyone else cleaning up all the equipment out of the dugout. Pete gets the award not for his hilarious defensive play of the game, but because of the humanity Pete showed. He felt very bad about the guy's injury and made sure to apologize and try to make good with the opposition after the play. For the first couple innings, I thought the Gnus were afraid to get on base for fear of retribution. It turned out that we just suck. Later in the game, the umpire completely blew a call in our favor at second base, but Pete told the umpire he was safe and the team continued to run around the bases like a merry-go-round. It was the right thing to do and karma will be back on our side. But what pushed him to 50% of the award this week, was Pete stepping up and buying pitchers following the game. Way to go fellas!