Gnus Summer Series

Come out to Arden Park and watch or play with the Bad Gnus. We'll be out here for all your entertainment needs through July. Here's the schedule and the related promotions...

Mon, 6/16 - 7:00 vs. The Long Islanders (Erik Grotte Replica Jeans Night)
Mon, 6/23 - 7:00 vs. Silver Bullets (Kirk Giberson Replica Golf Glove Night)
Tues, 7/01 - 6:00 vs. Ahern (Brett Dodge Brings the Beer Night)
Tues, 7/08 - 6:00 vs. Win Financial Bombers (Bill Moebs Replica Inflatable Doll Night)
Mon, 7/14 - 7:00 vs. Hanks (Howard Hughes Fountain of Youth Night)
Tues, 7/22 - 7:00 vs. Don't Panic (70's Disco Sucks Party Night)
Tues, 7/29 - 6:00 vs. T-Sox (Big Sexy Replica Leather Thong Night)

*** All promotions only available to paying fans between the ages of 18-21 with valid proof of Canadian citizenship, except for Brett Dodge Brings the Beer Night. All beer will be available to anyone who looks at least 21 and Spencer Smith.

Bad Gnus' Spring Season Up in Smoke; Ends on a High

It shouldn't be too surprising considering this just happened 5 weeks ago... However, the Bad Gnus had two very different games this week. On Monday, the Gnus dropped a squeaker to the Hanks, 22-1. The very next night, the beatee was doing the beating. Don't Panic was on the bitch end of a pent-up slapping, 26-6. There were many factors that could have contributed to the quite divergent results.

*Monday... No Howard, no John; Tuesday... No Pete

*Monday... The team used either Pete's nicely labeled bat or Erik's lead pipe; Tuesday... Kirk busted out a new expensive stick

*Monday... Fans drinking beer; Tuesday... Fans drinking Bocce Balls

*Monday... Opponents looked liked old men, played like it was MLB old-timers game; Tuesday... Opponents looked like roadies on the Journey tour, played like park-day at the retirement home.

I think the answer may land more in the last observation.

I don't want to spend too much time on that first game. It all seems a little foggy. It could be the GHB an unnamed Gnu picked up in Key West and slipped into my Sierra Nevada so I didn't remember his at bats. Next time, please don't put my boxers on backward. If I wake up in the middle of the night and want to go "through the gate" and not "over the fence", I end up wetting myself.

I do recall an ugly start of the game. The Bad Gnus were down 15-0 after the first inning. The Hanks scored 15 runs without the benefit of any errors! I think we only made a couple of errors the entire game. Those fogies can rake!

Don't Panic rolled into Arden Park as the big, fat slumpbuster the Gnus needed. I can't be too hard on those hippies as one of them did reach into his hemp man-purse and pull out my missing glove. They unfortunately didn't take the missing bat the same night as they were sure it wouldn't light.

Regarding the game, it went as you might guess... we hit a lot, they made a bunch of errors... what a long, strange trip it's been. The game's outcome was never in doubt. There was much more suspense playing a game of "before or after gametime" as Don't Panic batters approached the plate. Question... when did he last fire up the giggle weed? I don't think Don't Panic will win another game until someone has to play them at 4:20 some Tuesday.

The Newcastle Player of the Game was pretty sticky this week. Keith played like jah, mon! Burning one to the basketball court and smoking rockets all over the grass. He might have been 5 for 5. I didn't see his last at bat, so I'm just going to assume it was a base hit. On most nights, that would have been enough for Keith to Bogart the NPOG. This week, the honor has to go to Kirk. Finally, a Gnu stepped up and laid down some hard earned green on a rip-stick. So far, the offense has been sparked up by this new weapon of choice. Kirk seems to always be getting hits at the plate and taking hits away in the field. I don't remember how many hits he had Tuesday, but the number was quite high. So a big thanks and congrats to Kirk on taking home this week's Newcastle Player of the Game.

This week concluded the Spring Season or Spring Training as veteren Bad Gnus call it. Next week is the first game of the season and the next week of the rest of our lives. Let's make them both great... Peace, love and happiness, brah...

Note: Most of the last few paragraphs were written while listening to Bob Marley and surrounded by burning candles and incense...

Key West Isn't Just for Homos Anymore

Here's Billy with his lovely wife Suzie on their trip to Key West, Florida. The Gnus shirt was the least flamboyent shirt Bill wore all trip, settling either for rainbow-colored, flowing garmets or simply red pasties with tassles on his bare chest. Actually, this was the only photo from the trip in which both Bill and Suzie are dressed. How would you like to be the Fotomat guy with this roll of film? *

*For those younger readers out there, a Fotomat was a place you would have to take your film and they make pictures out of it. Oh, film was something you put in your camera before you pushed the button. Oh, nevermind! Get back to your Flickr accounts and get off my lawn!

It sounds like the Moebs had a wild and fun time for Suzie's 40th. They proved that you are never too old for Spring Break... We'll be watching for Suzie on the Girls Gone Wild commercials. They better check to see if they have saucer-sized font in their graphics department.

I would be remiss to not discuss tonight's game against Ahern. As we are less than 90 minutes from game time, I'm sure none of you will see this post until after the game. I have the rare opportunity to make a few predicitions.

1. The NPOG will be Pete Nixon. He'll be out to show that trading he and Doug to the Silver Bullets for 3 Coors Lights was a mistake last game. He'll also want to use all of those skills he's been teaching the youngin's over the last few months.

2. Brett will make all but one of the 7 plays that we hit to him. But we will all laugh and laugh and give him enough crap about it to make us forget about the other 6.

3. Ted will take a pitch.

4. Doug will finish the game pitching.

5. We will have better beer after the game.

6. Gnus will put together a Gnu inning.

See you all on the other side...