BOOM!

That was the one word exclamation point that the WIN Financial pitcher dropped loudly on the Bad Gnus in the top of the 7th inning Monday night as soon as he hit it. It exemplified just about everything about that game. That ball was absolutely smoked. It flew well over Howard's head. WIN hit more balls hard than I have ever seen at Arden Park. Not since Clayton took a knee to the groin during a Concert in the Park have balls been struck so squarely in this neighborhood.

But more telling, who yells"Boom!" when they hit the ball? A tool, that's who. This team is an all-star team of douchebaggery. There are so many things about them that I dislike. I don't mean that from the grouchy old man vista that I currently peer the world through. Bros like this have existed since the beginning of time. I've hated these clowns all my life.

WIN F is a perfect charicature of the 21st Century Bro. Sleeveless shirts? Check. Tattoos? Check. Backward hats? Check. Soul patches? Check? Raised pick up trucks? Check. One of my favorite moments of WIN-hating for me was watching two of them drive off in the raised-up, huge pick up trucks that hid their infant-sized twig and berries. If I had to guess what these knuckleheads drove around in, I would've said Hummer, but this would have been a close second. I didn't get a close enough look, but I bet there was a Nor Cal sticker in the window that replaced the Calvin pissing window sticker that was the Bro sticker for the 90's. I also enjoyed watching one of their gals wearing high heels and smoking a cig down the first base line while watching her man perform. She had to leave early, surely to get a good spot on the pole that evening. Can't wait till all the big tippers leave, can you Kayli.

About the game, it was a suck sandwich. The Bad Gnus stranded runner after runner in the first four innings. After a slow start to the WIN F bats, they started running Howard and Keith all over the tennis courts. The score was 15-2 after 4 innings. The game did seem to be over. However, the Bad Gnus always are a threat to run off a Bad Gnus inning. They put together two straight solid innings as everyone was getting on base up and down the order. After 6 innings, the score was 15-12.

There's actually a bit more to that. Looking back, some bad coaching may have hurt our chances. It was with two outs in the 5th with a runner on third, down 15-12 when the umpire said there was less than a minute left. I told Stuart to just swing at the first pitch where ever it was. If he got on and scored the run from third, we go for the win. If he gets out, we get another inning. Stuart has been pretty automatic this year with the bat and I should have had him take his time, do his thing and try to win it there. Stuart flew out, giving us another inning. That didn't turn out so well. WIN F punished the ball in the 7th, turning the game into a 24-12 route. So much for our streak of one run losses.

The Arden Park drug testing results have been returned. Surpisingly, only 3 WIN F players had artificial testosterone in their system. However, 7 had traces of Red Bull, 6 had evidence of Valtrex, 3 have been hitting the hippie lettuce and 1 had GHB. Must've had a sip of his date's vodka-cran the previous night. On the other side of the fence, the Bad Gnus has 10 with readable BAC's, 2 people with evidence of FloMax in the system and 1 with some nasty, gluten free beer in his system.

Next up, we welcome the newest team to the park. The generic "Softball Team". I might not have much to say there. Check back and find out.

Daddy Wins!

We have one more guest blogger this week. It is Kyle McDaniel, the son of the first guest blogger. Kyle is an adorable boy that will be going into the second grade next year. Kyle tore up T-Ball this spring and can't wait to get to the pitching machines next year. Here's what Kyle had to say...

Hi. I'm Kyle. Mr. Maves asked me to tell you about the Bad Gnus game from the other day. Here goes... Daddy and his friends took the field wearing their pretty, colorful shirts. I remember, one time, me and Scotty were at camp and we got to dip our shirts in all these colors. It was fun and messy! My sister, Karly told me not to dare get near her when I tried to give her a hug. She goes to Arden. When I get to be a big kid, I'm going to go to Arden too. Oh, Ok. Mr. Maves just said to get back to the game...

Daddy and his friends were doing very well but it was weird. They were playing a bunch of grandpas. I love my Grandpa! He has a big house and we watch television together. Sometimes he gives me candy. Sometimes he shows me pictures of Daddy when he was a little guy like me. One time Grandpa and me went on a long walk and he told me about what Daddy was like when he was my age. Ok, Mr. Maves, I'll tell you what else happened at the game...

I think the Bad Gnus won the game. My Daddy made a great play on defense and he hit a ball reeeeeeall far when he got to bat. My Daddy is the best player on the team! All the Bad Gnus were loud and laughing after the game. That big kid wasn't there to open all their sodas. I asked Karly when she thought we might go home. I don't think she heard me. She was busy texting. She has the coolest phone. It does a bunch of stuff and she puts all these fun ringtones on it. She told me if she catches me with it again she's going to chop my body up in little pieces and bury me all over the city. She gets lots of important phone calls. She said I can't be within 100 feet anytime she is talking on the phone. My sister is the awesomest! I can't wait until I have so many friends with so many important things to talk about. What's that, Mr. Maves? You sure you don't want me to tell you what else happened? Okey dokie. After while, Crocodile!

Bad Gnus Advance

The Bad Gnus took care of business and dominated Don't Panic, the Southwest Idaho State of the tourneyment, to set up a huge grduge match on Monday! Ahern has had their way with the Bad Gnus over the years, but this year they needed a late rally to get by the rejuvinated Gnus. Can't wait for the rematch. Since I was off watching my kin in some playoff baseball of their own, I missed the beat down, but guest blogger, Seanny Mac is in the house to tell you fools how it all went down. Here's his report...

There was a certain electricity in the Gnus dugout knowing it was a "win or go home" situation. Players could be heard humming "This Is It" by Kenny Loggins and commitments were quietly made among the bench that somebody would bring beer next week if we won this week.

As far as the game goes, it was a textbook game against the Don't Panic squad. A string of hits by us along with a bunch of bungled plays by them led to four to six runs per inning. Howard and Clayton seemed to be out running the bases quite a bit from what I remember, so I'd say they were the offensive stars.

Defensive was the strong suit for the Gnus once again. Couple of shoestring catches in the outfield along with some sweet middle infield double plays kept the Panic in their dugout loading their post game bongs. Indication of how badly we were placing whoop ass on them came when Seanny Mac actually played 3rd base for 2 innings. Out of risk of sounding like a blow hard I won't tell you about the backhanded stab at the line and whirling blind throw I made to punch out the runner at 2nd to snuff out what was the Panic's strongest attempt at a rally to get 2 runners on base in the same inning. But I digress.

In the end, the Gnus survived the play-in game coming out on top by about 20 or so runs. At the post game press conference (errr- beer under the tree) Gnus could be heard quoting Jim Mora, exclaiming "Playoffs?...Playoffs!...PLayoffs?" And there was much rejoicing.

Dog Sexy

Hello! I would like to introduce myself. I am Dog Sexy and I'm latest addition to the Maves family. After the failed adoption of Phuc Yu and Phuc Mi a couple years back on April Fools Day, Mike and Anna actually brought a new member of the family in - me!

I was living large! I was living in the country, chasing squirrels and wrestling with my 5 brothers. One day, all these people came in and played with me and my brothers. It was a good time. Next thing I know, I'm trapped in a car listening to Green Day for an hour and a half.

Once I got to the big city, I was called all sorts of things. I was Lucky for an hour. Then I was Digger for a half an hour. I was Sherlock for a while. I didn't like the hat and pipe they kept sticking in my mouth. Trust me, you don't want to stick anything in there unless you want my floppy mouth and little teeth to slobber all of it. I refused that name after I found out that was going to be my last name. My first name was No and my middle name sounded something like Sit. It didn't seem right how much laughter my masters got by saying my name and they wouldn't say it in front of all my little masters. They finally settled on Murphy but I'm not wearing that Cubs hat anymore. I'll chew it up I see it again.

By the way, how many little masters are there is this place? Every time I turn around there's a new one picking me up or playing with my fat feet. I thought I forgot to walk one day.

As you can see from my picture, I've got quite a long hangdown. You ladies didn't need to say that... I've got one on the other side of my head too. They are very useful for retaining water when I leave the water bowl. This pup gets thirsty! But let me tell you something about these long ears, I can hear everything! Everything is so noisy in my new life. Can't everyone just quiet down for a tick tock? I feel like I'm in a Sam Raimi movie. Every 60 seconds, I'm jumping out of my extra skin.

Anyway, after a week, I'm really settling in nicely. I really like this big yellow horse I'm living with. There's still so much more trouble to get into around here. So many toys left on the floor. So much floor that needs to be marked. So many places under the fence I can sneak through. Hope to see you guys out at the ballfield soon. Do your dawg a favor and leave a mitt laying around, will ya?

Summer Schedule!

UPDATED 6/23/09!!!

We're rolling with the punches here at the Bad Gnus International Headquarters. Arden Park has become a popular destination for softball teams. This has encouraged the powers that be to move to two leagues, one on Monday one on Tuesday. I was hoping to see where all the cool teams were going to play and play on that night. Next thing I know, there are two open spots on Monday for three returning teams and Tuesday is booked. Luckily, I got my shhh-act together in time to get us in the Monday league. The Silver Bullets did not! That sucks for them.

Here's the schedule. All games on Mondays. Let me know if there are any games you will miss based on your busy vacation schedules.

6/22 7:00 vs. Win Financial

6/29 BYE

7/06 6:00 vs. Softball Team (new team in town)

7/13 6:00 vs. Hanks

7/20 BYE - Good week to play vacation!

7/27 7:00 vs. Silver Bullets

8/03 7:00 vs. T-Sox

8/10 BYE

8/17 6:00 vs. Hanks

8/24 7:00 vs. T-Sox

8/31 6:00 vs. Silver Bullets

9/07 5:45 vs. WIN F (It's Labor Day! Also note time shift)

9/14 BYE

9/21 5:30 vs. Softball Team

9/28 BYE (Seriously!)

YAWN... Gnus Lose a Thriller 1-0

Actually, I did think this game was exciting and it was certainly too quick for a nap. 35 minutes to play 8 innings! Sure, the Bad Gnus lost 1-0 in 8 innings. Not scoring yet making 24 outs against a 75 year old man who is throwing a ball underhand sounds a lot worse than it is. The Hanks have long been a powerhouse at Arden Park. And by long, I mean back when you had to take a ferry across the American River to shuttle your carriage to New Sutter Town south of the river. Nowadays, we can take our fancy motor cars on a bridge at 55 mph (or 10 mph depending on the time of day) but the Hanks still compete for the championship each year.

The Bad Gnus had several hits, they just were never in bunches. There was a runner every inning. The best chance was in the 7th. Teddy Ballgame took a walk! I couldn't believe it myself. When he was trotting down to first I didn't know if he was hit by the pitch or if there was catcher's interference. A walk didn't immediately compute. That was followed by a hit by Greg to put two runners on, no one out and the top of the order coming up. Unforturnately, The Gnus were not able to convert. Throughout the game, many balls were struck well but ended up in the leathery old mitts held by leathery old hands. I keed, I keed. Those guys can pick it!

On the other side of the ball, those Bad Gnus also put on an impressive display of fielding. The defensive lock down they put on was even more impressive considering three Gnus committed to play but didn't show. WTF?! Teen Sexy came off the bench and played catcher wearing tennis shoes and using Erik's son's old baseball glove. That left a three person outfield against a team that usually puts up 20 runs on the Gnus. I can't even remember all of the spectacular plays. The Pyramid Defense Play of the Day was John's super sliding catch in centerfield. It was beautiful. All three of the outfielders were chasing down balls all over the field. Adding to that was the double play combo of Kirk and Tuesday Ted. Both made slick plays all game long. It was the best D I've ever seen from the swirling blue of the Gnus.

The lone run of the game was the result of a triple that one of the older guys on the Hanks yanked over John's head for a one out triple. Dude was flying around the bases! Those couldn't have been his original hips. But holding the Hanks to one run with three outfielders was a very impressive feat. Good job, Bad Gnus!

Newcastle Player of the Game, goes to Ted. As mentioned, he took a walk for the team to try to ignite a rally and make several nice plays at shortstop. He also made a big heads up play. When Barry Bonds strode to the plate he went from Shortstop to the deepest of Right-Centerfield in an extreme shift. He had him played perfectly and turned his blast into a 300 foot out. He went on to make the next two outs in the inning as well. Excellent game Ted. Enjoy the rockin' taste of a smooth Newcastle on me.