Top 5 British Bands

Inspired by my rockin' trip to the UK, I present my current Fab Five bands from the 51st state. With the exchange rate, I thought that I would need to present 10 or 11 bands but I decided all their measurements are off over there. Some good... (20 ounces in a pint, mate) Some bad... (might I bum your yankee dollar bill to light my stogey).

5. Coldplay - "Do you know how I know your gay?" I'll take the bashing for admiting it. I like the music Chris Martin and the lads put out. It's not all bollocks, but mix in the choice cuts and you can put together a fine cool out.

4. The Fratellis - I am anxious to see if their follow up can rock me like their debut album. They drop a little here by the album being over a year old and them cancelling the concert I was geared up to see at Harlows. Mainly for the concert part.

3. Gorillaz - Pumping out a solid base line and some funky rhythms. They make me want to shake me generous bum. Clearly the best cartoon rock bank since Josie and the Pussycats. They are the only British band to take home the BS for song of the year with Feel Good, Inc. a couple of years ago.

2. Art Brut - They are the newest band to enter my world. Love them! Eddie is a funny bloke. They have skyrocketed to the top of my "band I most want to see live" charts. Excellent lyrics that I sing for hours after my ipod stops and a rocking beat that keeps my ipod going.

1. Arctic Monkeys - They nose out the competition by putting out the most consistent collection of rocking songs on this list. Their debut was stronger than their release this year. But there were enough choice cut on that album to make a smokin' itunes playlist.

Favorite Artists as of the end of 2007 (Paint Division)

I can't really have an artist of the year. None of the artists on this list are walking among us and haven't for decades. Nevertheless, 2007 has been a huge year for seeing art for me, so it seems natural for me to talk about it this year. I have been fortunate enough to see many of the world's finest art museums this year. I have been to the Art Institute of Chicago, Musee' du Louvre, Musee' d'Orsay, Centre Pompidou and the National Gallery in London. All in 2007. Now I do not consider myself an art critic and I enjoy the pretty pictures that much more if I have a guide who points things out to me. But that has not stopped me from making a top 5 list.

5. Georges Seurat - Seurat is the least famous of the masters on this list but I dig all the little dots of color he uses to make a picture. If you look very close it is like a dot matrix printer using a whole variety of colors withing the solid colors. Very cool.










4. Henri Matisse - I like his use of color and curves. Like all artists or all types, everything he did doesn't light my fire, but for the most part, I like to see a piece by Matisse.

3. Claude Monet - Monet was definitely obsessive. Between painting the Cathedral at Rouen, haystacks and waterlillies a thousand times under a thousand different conditions, he didn't have a lot of variety. But his pictures are ones I can just stare at. Like Seaurat, each color on the canvas is made up of several colors. I get the impression that I would like to be relaxing at this pond.









2. Vincent Van Gogh - Here's a nut job for you. He never sold anything while he was alive but I like his pictures from the time of his life when he went mental. He used chunky brush strokes and deep colors. Here's a little Starry Night for you...








1. Pablo Picasso - Picasso did a little bit of every type of art and lots of it I don't get with. But I do like his bold colors and curvy lines. It's true, I did just break him down to something that simple, but art appreciation is no more than the appreciation each person has for the painting. Here's Femme a la Fluer for you... (check out my French language skills... that means "woman with a flower")













I also like his sculptures. Here's me with one at the Picasso Musee in Paris.











Tough break for David, Renior and Charles Shultz all being on the outside looking in. I'm sure they are all broken up about it. Good thing they don't have access to the world wide web.

Top Ten Mike Movies of All Time

I really like movies. I like seeing them in the theater... I like watching them on DVD. I don't see nearly as many as I would like to see and sometimes I have a hard time staying awake on the couch at the end of a long week. But there are certain types of movies that just strike a chord with me.

I have put together a list of my top ten movies of all time. There are certainly many other movies that I really enjoyed that didn't make the list. . I realized as I made the list that all of the movies on the list have some things in common. None were humongous box office hits, but some did pretty well. Most are a little quirky. Most have a good heart at their essence. Many will be enjoyed just as much 20 years after their release as they were the day they opened. I still quote lines from most of them throughout my daily life. All of them have touched a part of me in one way or another. They are all too great to rank so they are being listed alphabetically.

If there are any on the list that you have not seen, please go break out the Blockbuster card. If you don't like it after my recommendation, let me know and I'll send you a bag of microwave popcorn...

Best in Show - This is the best of several enjoyable, mostly improvisational movies by Christopher Guest & company. It is a set as a documentary following the entrants of a dog show.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Trippy visuals, heart touching and breaking love story. Very unique.

The Natural - Timeless baseball story. Touches the little kid in me. It's a baseball fairytale and the oldest movie on this list.

The Princess Bride - Speaking of fairy tales... Now, I know you all have seen and loved this movie. It has it all - humor, adventure, romance, catchphrases. "Inconceivable!"

Pulp Fiction - I am on record as being an anti-gun/anti-violence guy, but this movie is more about the dialogue than the action when you really watch it. I've never laughed so much in a movie where people were getting killed. Another movie chock full of quotable quotes. Jules is the coolest MFer is movie history. "Check out the big brain on Brett" among a hundred cool lines.

Raising Arizona - The Coen brothers vacillate between "awesome" and "I don't get it". I am rarely indifferent about their movies. This was a homerun. It was funny and had a heart. There are many quotable lines here to. "They got more than they can handle."

Rushmore - Max is my hero. There are great conflicts in this movie. First Max against the school. Then Max against Bill Murray. He tries so hard. This is a Wes Anderson movie and he is always great! "Tell that Mick he just made my list of things to do today"

Shaun of the Dead - I love this movie! Best horror movie ever. Another movie with a lot of blood that makes me laugh and laugh. But the movie somehow has a heart as well. Simon Pegg and the other writer also made Hot Fuzz. Mike's movie of 2007!

Singles - Best soundtrack in movie history! It still rocks the house. Great intertwining story of friends and lovers in their 20's. I think I was still in my 20's when it came out.

Stranger Than Fiction - This is the most recent movie on the list. Will Ferrell in a straight role. The movie is odd and touching and inspiring.

Ok. Fine. I'll rank the top 5...

5. Raising Arizona

4. The Princess Bride

3. Pulp Fiction

2. Shaun of the Dead

1. Rushmore

Old Man Checking In!

My first post since I turned 40! Really not much has changed except I wake up every morning and I am sore... I want to go to bed at 9:00 pm... and I keep yelling at the neighbor kids to get off my lawn. I was already peeing every half hour.

First of all, I wanted to thank those of your that came out to wish me happy birthday at Pyramid Alehouse. It felt great to be surrounded by my favorite people and my favorite beer. I had a great time hanging out, shooting the breeze and drinking tasty brew after tasty brew. We should do that more often! Those of you that didn't hang out for the "clubbing" part of the evening missed some Nixon ass shakin' so hard I thought someone was going to get hurt. Settle down, fellas. It was only Pete and which of us hasn't seen him in action before? Y'all weren't supposed to bring me presents but I certainly appreciate it. You guys do all know me very well... alcohol, mexican food, sports, music and Selena. Who didn't see the Selena t-shirt coming?

Let this post serve as a warning that my annual awards are coming! I know you wait for them every year. I have always struggled with the name for these prestigious awards in the fields of music, beer, movies and food. The Mikeys sounds too childish... The Sexies makes it sound hotter than it is... I think this year we are going to go with the BS awards. To get you in the mood for this onslaught of information you have either never heard of or don't give a hoot about (the phrase "not giving a hoot" brought to you by the Crotchedy Old Man Association or COMA) I am starting you off with the top ten Mike movies of all time! I'll explain what a "Mike Movie" is in the next post.

Gnus Around the World

The Gnus around the world takes us to Ensenada, Mexico where the street tacos and street tequila go down nicely! Here's Mike after he polished off his second taco. I'm sure pictures of Greg and Kirk will be coming soon.

The rest of you Gnus... Let's see some pictures! I know you've been traveling! Share the love and fill the World Wide Gnus Album.

Guest Columnists Save the Day as Gnus Roll...

First, Billy Moebs chimes in with the report...

Since Mike was working the mosh pit at the Queens of the Stone Age concert last night, I assume he won't be able to send one his lovely poems/songs/essays about the game. Let me sum it up in a few sentences:

TED - you the man- great job last night at shortstop. Couldn't have added the win to our record without all the double plays.

Gnu Team - nice job working the pitcher and getting so many walks (except Clayton) :) the extra base runners helped with all the scoring.

And lastly, thanks to Greg for bringing the adult beverages. It was nice to have a cold one after a hard fought battle.

Billy


Then Seanny McD responded with a perhaps more important rundown of the game, the postgame beverage analysis...

Great recap Billy aka "Lil' Sexy". But what summary wouldn't be complete without a top 5 list to go along with it. ...So here goes.. My top 5 beers from Greg's ice chest after last night's game.

1. Gordon Biersch Blond Bock - Ice cold, and refreshing. Perfect brew to start the post game festivus.

2. Sam Adams Light - Had to bring it back to 'ol team sponsor, but still keeping it light, tight and right.

3. Sam Adams Boston Lager - After 2 sandwiches in a can who cares about light beer anymore...Give me the O-riginal!

4. Fat Tire Ale - Not my fave, but when its all that's left in the chest..."what's a 1 at 10 is a 10 at 1"....

5. Coors Light - OK, this wasn't in Greg's chest, but when your infield consists of 3 Ahern fill-ins, you might as well pilfer some from their ice-box.

Rack me.

Breaking Mike's 5 year streak of best post game summary, Sean wins post game summary of the week! We'll see if Mike can take back his title following the T-Sox rematch game. They might think the outcome would be different playing a team of all Gnus. We'll just have to see about that.

A Letter from the Nixon Cabin Bear

First off, I am not the godless killing machine that some talk show hosts make me out to be. I'm a herbovoir. Heck, as a Californian, I'm more into veggies than BBQ'd man-meat. Just keep putting your trash out in the open and I won't have to destroy anything to get those tasty leftovers. Hanging by the Nixon's cabin, I get all sorts of healthy leftovers. Those people eat nothing but salads and tofu. I've dropped 50 pounds since I relocated from outside Sally Musso's cabin and moved to North Tahoe.

I'm looking forward to all of you guys coming up to join me. In fact, even if you haven't said you are coming up yet, feel free to come up just for the day. We have a lot of fun events planned from the bear beer golf tourneyment on Saturday morning to the "bare" midnight run through the woods. Don't worry, no cameras will be allowed.

A little word of warning... I hope that Bill Moebs is not planning on attending. Yogi has a can of whupp-ass he is planning on opening if he sees him. Apparently, Yogi didn't take too kindly to how much attention Bill paid to Cindy Bear's nether-regions last time he was in the woods. It was one joke after another about looking in her pic-a-nica basket, putting out her forest fire down below and climbing his sturdy pine.

Here's the plan for this weekend... Mike is going up early on Friday. His phone number is 548-8587. Give him a call at any time and he will give you directions to the cabin. There is plenty of room for anyone to bunk down and there is plenty of beer to quench your summer thirst. Mike is going to get a keg of good beer and buy some munchies and food for a bbq around on Saturday night. This entire vacation will be yours for the low cost of $40 per human. Make sure to pay Mike when you get a chance. If you are going up on Friday, bring a bike. If you can't bring a bike you can rent one. Either way, I here those bipeds are going to ride up to a sweet riverside drinking establishment.I hope to see you all this coming weekend, July 20-22. I promise I will not bite and leave a mark. I don't promise that I will not call my buddies the skunk, raccoon and porcupine to laugh at your asses as we eat all of your leftover tri-tip as your are "sleeping" on the deck.

Party on!!!

Gnus Around the World

We are starting a new project...

Take your colorful Bad Gnus shirt on vacation with you and send me a picture of your Gnus shirt around the world. I will post the photos and keep a collection of the pics for a grand summary at some time in the future.

This is our first entrant - Bill Moebs on top of Waimeia in Kauia. Way to represent!!!

Double The Softball, Double the Fun?

That was the hope this week as the Bad Gnus headed into the week in first place and with a perfect record. A lot of great things come in twos. A pair of wins this week could make the top 5. It would push the Bad Gnus much closer to the championship and serve as notice that these guys weren't just the laid back dudes in the cool tie dye who drink only good beer.

Game 1 was against the Hanks. The Hanks who have won 35 championships at Arden Park in the last 40 years with much the same roster. They are always a tough win with their consistent singles hitting, errorless defense and a pitcher who's balls hang just a little longer in the air than younger pitchers. Now I'll admit I have been in a few too many locker rooms with old guys. From what I can tell either from 70 years of gravity or the courage it took to take on the Krauts in WWII (the Big One), old guys balls tend to hang low. Not this guy's. They seem to never come down.

The one thing you don't want when playing the Hanks is three outfielders. Those old guys can place their singles whereever they please. They rain more singles on the grass than PacMan Jones at stripper picnic. It was a bad night to be missing Pete & John (involved in some civil ceremony in Hawaii), Sean (hangover), Kevin (got lost) and Appleton (wrist tendinitis and blurry vision) leaving us with only 9 players. That's when we got a boost from the youngest Gnu and the oldest of Bad Gnus 2, the Next Generation. That's right... Big Sexy's nephew himself, Teen Sexy made his first appearance of the summer season behind the plate. Teen Sexy has arrived on the scene just this past summer. The formerly shy, reserved boy has grown to nearly 6 feet, let his hair get all bushy like the kids do, has a deep tan and a throng of girls following him whereever he goes. He makes an Uncle proud...

As for the game, four outfielders or not, the Hanks put up 5 in the top of the first on a bunch of singles and some uncharacteristically misplayed grounders. That was all they would need. The Gnus pulled to within 5-2, but never got much closer, losing 9-3. The game did have some highlights, but the Gnus bats never consistently hit the changeup from Highballs McGee. The Gnus almost turned a third to second to first double play on a ground ball. That would've be cool. A few people did has multiple hits including Clayton, Mike, Keith and Greg (I think). Sorry if I missed any of you.

That made Game 2 versus Ahern construction nearly a must-win to keep the championship hopes alive. Things looked promising at the start as not only did 11 Gnus show up before the game started, but there were TWO ice chests ready for the post game celebration. Mike has played a couple of times on the Ahern team and would really like to hand the defending league champions a loss.

The first inning started with a bang as Mike drilled a ball over the left fielder and rounded the bases for a three run home run. He didn't touch either first or third base, but Ahern was too stunned to notice. That gave them a 3-0 until the home team responded with two solo home runs of their own and the homerun derby was on. In the second, the Bad Gnus were unable to keep up the dingers coming while Ahern continued their hitting barrage to give them a 6-3 lead they would not relinquish. The Gnus pulled within 7-5 at one time and played solid defense througout, but in the end, they didn't have the bats to keep up with the champs. Ahern wins the second game of the double header 11-7.

The committee had no problem giving the Newcastle Player of the Week to himself. Mike was 5 X 6 in the two games with a homerun and a triple. He also nearly started an infield triple play. Through Ichiro's interpreter after the game, the Big Sexy had this to say, "When traveling through the forest of softball, it is important to remember that the roots of the trees in the dirt and sweet fruit on the branches are from the same organism. If the songbird chooses to sit on it's branches, harmony will spread from the tree throughout the forest and joy will be plentiful." Enjoy the Asahi, Mike.

Big ups to Ted who played with a gnarly looking index finger and Bill who played with himself. Despite the two losses this week, the Bad Gnus played formidable opponents well and looked good doing it. There were many throw back shirts last night... I guess there were a couple of Gnus who didn't just pick up the shirt off the floor from the night before and throw it back on.

Next week is the big revenge game against Don't Panic, Tuesday at 6:00. Don't Panic's victory over the Gnus in May was their first since prior to Herr Bush's Reign of Terror and has been the talk of Arden Park softball for a couple of months. You know they have this game circled on their calendar. Guess what, Ponytails, I have it circled too!

Bad Gnus Winning Streak!

The Bad Gnus have been to the mountain, and it was good. It took 14 games in 2007, but the Bad Gnus finally put together a complete package. Dominating from start to finish, the Bad Gnus used solid defense, flawless pitching, timely hitting and solid beer drinking to dominate the Silver Bullets from the first pitch to the last beer. (That phrase would have been so much better is we were drinking from pitchers!)

Of course, a complete package from the Gnus couldn't be complete without a surprise contribution from Rex Davis. Rex has been on the Bad Gnus since the first game. His spirit has arrived in many different vessels. He has emcompassed a virtual meleting pot of people. He's been fat, skinny, black, white, gainfully employed, likely homeless and vacationing from various parts of the world. But for some reason, no matter the apparent talent level of Rex, he always comes through for the Bad Gnus. This night, Rex was Erik's brother-in-law visiting from Texas. Yee Haw! Rex went 3 X 3 on the night, none bigger than the bases loaded, two-out, two-run single in the bottom of the 6th to give the Gnus the 4 run cushion they would eventually need in the top of the 7th.

Consideration was given for the Newcastle Player of the Game to Rex, but it is oh so hard for committee to give the award to a fill-in. Nice game, but no NPOG for you. Another receiving consideration was Mike who brought beer on back to back weeks and played pretty good d at third. But he was the winner of the Sutter Home White Zinfadel P of the Game for getting a pinch runner all three times he was on base. With a painful calf brought on by a combination of not warming up properly before basketball, getting closer and closer to the big 4-0 and generally having too much junk in his trunk, his calf muscle tightened up. He didn't feel the need to run his own bases... Prima donna. Make sure you take a breath in when taking a sip, big guy. You can't win the Sutter Home and the Newcastle awards concurrently, so he's out.

The Newcastle Player of the Game goes to Clayton! Clayton hit the ball hard, but what really stood out was his excellent defense. He made a great running play in right center with the bases loaded early in the game, made a saving catch on a throw from Mike against his momentum and still turned the double play and was the key part of the Pyramid Defensive Play of the Game. On that play a runner tried to go from 1st to 3rd on a single to Rex in right. Rex got the ball to Clayton who turned and fired a strike to Mike right on the bag to nail the runner and end the inning. Great game, Clayton!

After the Bad Gnus beat down was complete, it was almost sad to watch the stunned Silver Bullets (a team that beat us 21-3 in the "pwned" game earlier) sit under their tree and have to drink Coors Light while we had the tasty brews. Sucks to be them. Rocks to be us!

The Bad Gnus are now 2-0 and face an improbably battle for sole possession for first place against the Hanks on Monday. That will be followed by another challenger for our crown on Tuesday against Ahern Construction. See you all then!

Bad Gnus Roar Back!

What a thrilling victory last night to start off the regular season! Old time Gnus have seen it many times before… the Gnus seem lifeless and hopelessly beaten, only to rise up and snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Some of the newer Gnus have seen a few of our other trademarks… blowing large, seemingly safe leads… scoring 3 runs in a game… losing to teams we have no business losing too... drinking to excess in a public park. But they were surprised to hear this type of effort was also a Bad Gnus hallmark.

After a horrid preseason which I have blacked out to such an extent that I only remember about three games, I really wanted the summer season to get off to a rousing start. I was so pumped up, I even went and bought beer for what was sure to be a post-game victory celebration. The Bad Gnus came out of the gate pretty well against the Long Islanders. After only allowing one run in the top of the first, the first three Bad Gnus reached base. It began with Howard Hughes getting around the bases as if he did not have a wrenched back and stretching a single into a triple. Unfortunately, that was all the Gnus could muster and was all of their offense for the first 4 innings. Low lights included several very weak infield pop ups, a swing-and-a-miss and a called strike three that hit the middle of the mat. Names have been withheld to protect the guilty.

Defensively, the Bad Gnus had a couple of rough stretches, but overall played pretty well. Highlights in the early innings were provided by Kevin and Peter. Kevin had 4 put outs in the first 3 innings at home, setting an modern day Arden Park record, including showing off some cat-like reflexes on a pop up. Pete was blazing all over the outfield. He was charging balls and showing off a canon of an arm that intimidated the Long Islanders for the rest of the night. Pete threw out a runner at second who was on first on a single and nailed Mark Schwan at the plate, cutting down a run. The Long Islanders witnessed the arm power that hobbled the infamous One-Nut McGee at the Softball Complex oh so long ago.

Trailing 9-1 going into the bottom of the fifth put a lot of long faces on the Bad Gnus. Many thoughts went from the field to drowning our sorrows in that ice chest. But the sleeping giant arose. The Bad Gnus rallied for 5 runs in the bottom of the fifth, capped by Kevin’s bases-clearing, hard hit double off the second baseman. With the lead cut to 9-6 the Gnus felt they were back in the ball game. They turned three Islander batters into three outs and took a lot of momentum into the bottom of the sixth. All that enthusiasm quickly dropped with a thud as the Bad Gnus went 1-2-3 in their half of the inning.

The last inning did not start off well for the Bad Gnus as the top of the Long Islanders line up produced consecutive hits to lead off the inning. With no outs and runners at first and second, it was time for the Pyramid Defensive Play of the Game. A hard hit ball down the third base line was snared by the outstretched glove of a diving Mike Maves. Mike got up, stepped on the bag at third and fired to Clayton at first for a momentum grabbing double play. The blood on both my knees was well worth the result. (I’ll let you make up your own joke about me having scabs on my knees cuz I’m not going to do it for you.) The next batter flied out leading to a fateful bottom of the seventh.

Doug Hart led off with a solid single to get the bench fired up and John finished with a bloop, infield single to put the first two guys on and the top of the order up. After a couple of outs sandwiched Pete’s single, Mike singled and moved to second as Pete hustled into third. This all set up Kirk to be the hero of night. With the tying run on third and the winning run on second, Mr. Giberson did not disappoint. He singled to left, scoring Pete and Mike just ahead of the throw.

The comeback was complete; 10-9 Bad Gnus! The Bad Gnus sit in first place as of this post. The beer tasted a little better after game, the crowd lasted a little longer. It was good to be back on top for at least a night. The Bad Gnus will continue their march to the most unlikeliest of championship seasons on Monday, July 2 at 7:00. The opponent will be the hated beer rival, The Silver Bullets. Don’t bring that watery crap up in here!

Regular Season About To Begin!

After the ugliest spring training in Bad Gnus history, the Bad Gnus are ready to take on the Arden Park D league in the summer season. The Gnus figure they have the opposition looking past them after the biggest set up job since Paul Newman took Jackie Gleason in the early 70's. The Gnus never had the same lineup twice nor did they ever field their entire team. Between little league and a glaring lack of commitment, many games were missed. Founder and Manager Maves played in only three games. That is all about to change. Below is the schedule for the summer league.

Mon 6/25 7:00 vs. The Long Islanders
Mon 7/02 7:00 vs. Silver Bullets
Mon 7/09 6:00 vs. Hanks
Tue 7/10 7:00 vs. Ahern
Tue 7/17 6:00 vs. Don't Panic
Tue 7/24 7:00 vs. T-Sox
Mon 7/30 7:00 vs. T-Sox
Mon 8/06 7:00 vs. Silver Bullets
Mon 8/13 6:00 vs. Hanks
Tue 8/14 7:00 vs. Ahern
Tue 8/21 6:00 vs. Don't Panic
Tue 8/28 7:00 vs. The Long Islanders

CDs of the Year - The Early Awards

I know you all decide your musical choices based on what I'm listening to, so here are my early in the year selections for best music so far this year...

1. The Fratelli's - Costello Music - You cannot not shake something when this is on!

2. Fall Out Boy - Infintiy on High - Even though they screwed Sacramento by cancelling their concert next week and not rescheduling, I still love this band and this CD is good. I think they just saved me the pain of feeling real, real old at the concert.

3. Modest Mouse - We Were Dead Before the Ship Sank - Takes a few listens, then you are hooked. Their last album title is the tag line for the website "Good News for People Who Like Bad News" They just spelled it wrong.

4. Spring Awakening Soundtrack - Perhaps I'd feel different about this Broadway soundtrack if I didn't see and absolutely love the musical. But I did and it is awesome! The show will never come to Sacramento, so unless you travel you may never see this. Best musical ever! Surpassing Chicago, Jesus Christ Superstar and Rent, but that's a different list.

5. Barenaked Ladies - Barenaked Ladies Are Men - Back to more upbeat songs after a disappointing release just last fall. Might be the band I'd most want to hang around and drink beers with. They just seem like fun and nice guys.

Summer Movie Alert!

The Bad Gnus season is not quite giving the players or their many, many fans the entertainment that we would desire. Therefore, I am going to give you some coming entertainment options outside to the world of the Bad Gnus.

I know you are all dying to know, but here are the top 5 summer movies I'm looking forward to. Get to your local multi-plex!

1. Knocked Up - The latest by the creator of 40 Year Old Virgin. I expect to laugh and be glad I'm not watching it with my mom.

2. The Simpsons Movie - My number one TV show I never watch but wish I did. They are always good for a quick zinger. It'll be interesting if they can carry a whole movie.

3. Paris Je T' Aime - I really like Paris and I really like films by the Coen brothers and Alexander Payne. Let's see if this interwoven collection of short films doesn't disappoint.

4. Eleven Men Out - A coming out story of a gay soccer team from Iceland. Nah, I'm just f'in with you. I'll wait for the DVD.

4. Sicko - I admit that I drink Michael Moore's kool-aid. While I am pretty feverish about gun control (Bowling for Columbine) and my anti-war stance (Farenheit 9/11) I'm a fence sitter on HMO's. We'll see if he moves me change the "Love Not War" on the back of the Love Missle to "Meds for All" .

5. Stardust - The word on the movie lot is that this is in the same vein as The Princess Bride. I am confident enough in my heterosexuality to state the The Princess Bride is one of the best movies ever made. I just hope Stardust has someone as dreamy as Cary Ewles in the lead.

I know there will be those who say, "but BS, what about Shrek the Third, Spiderman III, Ratatouille and Harry Potter?" Don't you worry, I think those movies will do just fine without my recommendation. I'm sure I'll see them and so will most of y'all.

Oh - and if you can't wait until one of these to come out and need to see a movie this weekend - check out Hot Fuzz. It's by the same bloke's who brought us my favorite Halloween time movie, Shaun of the Dead.

Bad Gnus Pwned!

The Bad Gnus were owned so hard they were lapped by the alphabet. Or they were owned so much it grew a tail. I don't really know the origin of this new slang word, I just know now how it feels. It hurt so bad it even spawned the last sentence with three consecutive "OW" words.

I'm not going to delve into the details. Long after the football score of 21-3 is forgotten (actually, that might be hard to forget), we will remember the comical line drive that not only bounced off Doug W's head but hit him on the head a second time on the way down. It's only comical because he was not hurt. Well, it eventually would have been comical over time anyway.

The Bad Gnus are off to their worst start in their lengthy history. They get two chances to turn that around next week with games on Monday and Tuesday.

The Sam Adams Summer Brew play of the game goes to Sean McDaniel's sliding catch in the outfield of a sinking line drive. Great catch. It didn't even lose any of it's shine after Sean admitted after the game while enjoying a frosty Summer Brew (Mike Maves Beer of the Year - 2006), that he complemented Kathy Nixon on their dog, Tedford. Not sure he was impressed by how cute Tedford was or how well he can type. I'm not going to confuse Sean with facts, just keep making nice catches the outfield and maybe you can have a beer some night with Bill's fish Goldie.

Opening Night - 2007

There was some talk that the Bad Gnus actually began their season last week. I contend that was simply an exhibition game. Missing 7 regulars and certainly without a blog correspondent, could it actually take place? Many philosophers have pondered this and many young monks have traversed mountains in Tibet to ask this very question... If a game happens at a park and the Big Sexy misses it, does it really happen at all? I think nay. Therefore, opening night 2007 took place on the cutest and best set of twins birthday underneath fair skies on a glorious spring evening.

The night started off as beautifully as it could for the Bad Gnus. The official announcement from season-long MVP, Bill Appleton that his sister was sending a check to cover league fees, he had hats for the guys and visors for the ladies and a ice chest packed with frosty Samuel Adams started the night off right. "Brewer. Patriot. Bad Gnu." (copyright 2007). Despite the numerous visors on the field making the Bad Gnus appear like a co-ed team, Greg laid in strike after strike, mowing the Long Islanders down in order in the first. In fact, through 3 innings, the Long Islanders had only one baserunner. When the Gnus came to bat in the first, it was clear they meant business. Taking a historical number of walks (3) in the first inning, they jumped out to a 3-0 lead. After 3 innings, the slought was on. A 7-0 lead that felt like 17-0.

Longtime Bad Gnus, people who may read this blog or just the occasional dude that hangs out in the park mumbling to himself all know that no lead is too big for the Bad Gnus. They can come from ahead with the best of them. The Gnus did not disappoint. Behind some shaky fielding, some good hits and an atrocious call at the plate, the Islanders had come all the way back to take a 9-7 lead after 5. Not sure what the deal was with the umpire and the call at the plate. He looked like a cross between Droopy Dog and the corpse of Rosemary Clooney who had been crying ever since Matlock was taken off the air. Apparently the 24 consecutive hours of visine this guy was pouring into his eyes made it very difficult for him to see that Keith's throw from the outfield and Kevin's scoop beat the Islander's pivotal run by two steps. (I always have the feeling that Kirk expects me to be ejected any time I talk to the umpires, be it softball, little league, basketball or mud wrestling - but I never have.) Following that call, a booming triple off the glove of Seanny McD gave the Islanders the lead.

As the home team, the Bad Gnus were in prime position for a typical pull-it-out-of-our-hatses victory. In the bottom of the six, Mike hit the first infield home run in Bad Gnus history. After his hard hit ball bounced off the third baseman's noggin and into left field, Mike raced (two words I don't often type next to each other) to second. Seeing the third baseman still on the ground and the ball slightly over thrown, Mike took third with a dive. That ridiculous sight, created another overthrow. Mike popped up and scored. The resulting momentmum from that exciting play that cut the lead to 9-8 was just a couple of outs to end the inning. Yawn.

In the 7th, the Bad Gnus only trailed by one. Weisy led off with a sharp single and Howard followed with the same. After Kevin loaded the bases with one out, the Gnus were in the drivers' seat as the heart of the order was coming up to end the game. I didn't have a very good view of exactly what happened next, but I've been told we lost the game 9-8. A pretty good effort for week 1!

Notables:

Sam Adams Player of the Game: I don't remember him making any defensive plays. I do think he got a hit. But it didn't matter what happened on the field. Bill Appleton brought beer, hats and a $30 break to all the Gnus (which they will likely just turn around and spend on more beer). Huzzah!

Sam Adams Summer Brew Defensive Play of the Game: A key 6th inning double play on a ground ball to Pete to Moebs to Appleton looked like something from the middle of the season. He may have been safe, but Blinky McPinkeye didn't have the heart to get us on another close call.

First blood of the year: Mike thought he had this wrapped up when he bled diving into third. Though he did bleed from four different places, he was not the winner. Mike had the second best odds to bleed first on the season, just after Kevin. The third favorite to bleed first was Bill Moebs. The oddsmakers specifically thought Bill was endanger around glass bottles and uneven ground after the ballgame. However, Bill skinned his knee earlier in the game at a play at second base and took home the coveted first blood award.

Next Game: Monday, April 16 at 6:45 vs. the Silver Bullets. Coors Light... nigga, please.

Revised Spring Schedule

The joy of playing at a small league, nothing is written in stone! Here's the latest schedule:

Mon 4/02 6:30 v. Long Islanders
Mon 4/09 6:30 v. Long Islanders
Mon 4/16 6:45 v. Silver Bullets
Mon 4/23 5:45 v. Hanks
TUE 4/24 6:45 v. Ahern Construction
TUE 5/01 6:00 v. Don't Panic
TUE 5/08 7:00 v. T-Sox
Mon 5/14 7:00 v. T-Sox
Mon 5/21 7:00 v. Silver Bullets
Mon 6/04 6:00 v. Hanks
TUE 6/05 7:00 v. Ahern Construction
TUE 6/12 6:00 v. Don't Panic

Notice that some of those Tuesday games are the day after we play on Monday. Also notice we got a couple more games for free!

Spring Schedule

Here's the official schedule. No Tuesday games. No 9:30 games.

4/02 6:30 Long Islanders
4/09 6:30 Silver Bullets
4/16 6:45 Hanks
4/23 5:45 Long Islanders
4/30 6:00 Silver Bullets
5/07 6:00 Hanks
5/14 7:00 Long Islanders
5/21 7:00 Silver Bullets
5/28 No Game
6/04 7:00 Hanks

The shirts are in! They look great. The Big Sexy's never looked bigger or sexier. Well, at least bigger.

Rock on, Bad Gnus!

A Letter From Pete Nixon's Dog

Hey everybody, my name is Tedford. I am Pete's golden retriever. The Arden Park homeowners’ association wouldn’t allow Pete to get an actual golden bear, so he’s stuck with me.

What a fun keyboard! Pete left me in the house today. He was rushing out, mumbling something about needing to close a deal, little league practice and a raging hangover. I couldn’t hear it all. I was hiding in the laundry room hoping he wouldn’t notice me. I’ve gotten tired of chewing up most of the good stuff around here. I didn’t know this keyboard was for communicating. I found the “tab”, “Q” and “F12” keys in the stool sample I left on the area rug. So I won’t be using those keys. If only I had thumbs I could try to fish them out and snap them back on.

Which leads me to my plea; I don’t have thumbs, yet Pete constantly ties a piece of leather to my paw and hits balls at me. The kids will be all tired out but Pete keeps going. I don’t even know what he is talking about. He says “alright Tedford, let’s get two” then he only hits one ball and I need to chase it down, the big leather thing flopping as I run. I look all around for the second ball then finally drop a slobbery mound of leather at his feet and pray he doesn’t hit it again. Ever since his big black lab, Marshawn, ran away for green pastures, he’s been running me ragged.

Then once a year, he makes me sit and answer questions. I don’t know what he’s talking about. I usually try to lick my balls to give him the hint I’m not listening anymore, but he just keeps going. So then I lick his face. “Tedford, if you are on second base and no one is on first, do you have to run?” Listen, Pete last time I got to second base was with that labradoodle bitch next door and you yanked my choke chain so hard I nearly swallowed my tongue.

Anyway, could you fellas help a dog out? I know Pete needs to get his baseball fix in. And I know you are all about to start up the Bad Gnus season cuz Pete’s been wearing his tie-dyed shirt all around that Kathy keeps hiding in the garage. How about you guys get together Sunday, April 1 around 4:00 and hit some balls for Pete, drink some beers and just tire him out before he comes home and he tries to strap the catcher's equipment on me.

I gotta go. I see a drape in the other room that I forget to take a piss on. Thanks for your help!

Spring Training In Full Schwing!

I hate to interupt all of your training for the coming season. If I can have just a few minutes of your time before you go back to roadwork, lifting weights and rubbing flax seed oil on your arms.

I don't have the schedule yet, but we are tentatively on for opening day on Monday, April 2! That is just 10 days from today and only one day after you crack up all your family members with practical jokes all day. The schedule will include at least a couple of Tuesday games. I'll pass along the schedule and hit up the blog when I get it. I might get it on March 28.

I have placed an order for the 2007 edition of the Bad Gnus T. It will be at least the 6th shirt in circulation. Hate to pile on the invoices, but now y'all owe me another $20. I have already collected league fees from a whopping 2 of you. Please forward that $30 along with the $20 for the shirt when you can or just bring it to the first game. If my favorite brewer and patriot, Sam Adams comes through with league fees, I'll refund it to you.

While you have your wallet out, what do you think about hats? I can get navy blue hats with an embroadered and interlinked "BG" for another $12. Let me know if you guys want to go down that road and I'll get them ordered.

Here is our official roster for the spring season:

Kevin, Bill Appleton, Bill Moebs, Erik Grotte, Greg, Keith, John Wiesy, Doug Hart, Doug Wormald, Howard, Kirk, Pete and me.

Our subs are: Derrick, Ted, Sean McD, Clayton Smith (new Gnu alert!).

If you are one of the 13, please let me know as far in advance as you can if you cannot make a game. I know the little league gods frowned on me and saddled me with 4 Monday games this year, including April 2. With notice, we should be able to fill the spot and avoid the park whoring that we have gotten so good at. If you are Derrick or Ted, let me know when you can make any game and we will get you in.

Sorry, there are no Hooters coupons here. Just trying to get Appleton to check the website.

Beer of 2006

This is always the most heated and anticipated Mikey award handed out. This year the top 10 list is coincidentally dominated by the new sponsor of the Bad Gnus, Samuel Adams. Not only do they craft a fine variety of brews, but they know to support the coolest softball team in three counties. Here's the list...

1. Sam Adams Summer - See you in a few months, my fine, seasonal friend.

2. Sam Adams Octoberfest - Could be that it was the payoff of a bet. Beer always tastes that much better when it is acquired that way. (Thanks, Pete!) Here's the top five ways that any type of beer tastes great, in order.

1. Payoff from a bet
2. Sponsored beer after a softball game
3. Someone buys you a beer when you are out
4. Draft beer that you pay for
5. Bottles in a house, preferrably playing ping pong, darts or foosball at the time

3. Pyramid Amberweizen on Tap - Pyramid has long dominated this list and if I had greater access to the beer on tap they'd dominate the top ten and I'd need a bigger belt.

4. Sam Adams Light - The most kicking around the house drinkable beer of the year.

5. Newcastle - After a couple years atop the list, Newky falls a bit, but it is always a smooth and sexy option.

6. Sam Adams Cherry Wheat - This was a top the list in the summer and started to fall. Could be aging. Could be the end of the season. Not sure what.

7. Great White on Tap at Beach Hut - The frosty glass, the cool music, the high def tvs, the tasty sandies. The beer hits the spot.

8. Sacramento Brewing Co Miner's Extra Pale - Goes down very well with the number 1 burger in town.

9. Pete's Wicked Strawberry Blonde - Another tasty summer option

10. Fat Tire on Tap - This is a beer that is easier to find out and about than most of these, although Newcastle has been more prevalent recently.