Bad News for the Bad Gnus

The whole evening was set up for something ugly. Only 6 of the 13 players on the roster confirmed their attendance for the night. With the recent lack of success in recent games, it was easy to understand people coming up with a variety of excuses for not being able to perform. It's not like I haven't heard these lines before. "I've got to see a guy about this thing". "I have a headache". "I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship". But so many times on one afternoon was quite disappointing. But at the last minute, Pete suddenly became available and Ted rearranged his evening a bit to sneak in some Bad Gnus-style humiliation. Leaving us just one guy short. That void was filled by Bill Moebs in his first career Bad Gnus start! (Thanks for coming out, Bill!) Kevin was put in charge of player whoring and I think he's got this thing down. Two guys ambled right up to him and asked to join the coolest team in town. Good thing, too. Greg forgot to set his clock forward (I thought that excuse only worked last month) and didn't show up until the end-of-the-game handshake.

Greg's absence left a large void on the mound. Backup pitcher Doug Wormald also couldn't make it out. (I think he said something about washing his hair.) This left the Gnus without a pitcher. Across the diamond, Pete recognized One-Nut McGee. He must be player whoring. Wait, there's the shortstop who played double A ball. I can't believe they are both whoring. Oh, and the big third basemen with the Seattle Mariner jersey made into a wife beater and the hairy shoulders. Bugger. This is who we played last week! Y'all wanna nother piece of this action, fools! Step up.

The Gnus jumped out to a quick 2-0 lead to support emergency pitcher Mike, who just as quickly gave it back and more. The outfielders were running back and forth from the fence retrieving balls for Mike. If the balls were all slobbery when they came back I would've thought I was playing fetch with Mojo. It's all just a blur until the other team's third baseman hit a ball so far they should've put a monkey on it and run some tests. It hit the top of the tree that towers over the fence in leftcenter field. This upset Mike a little who went into his commentary with the home plate umpire about teams playing in appropriate leagues. Kevin thought Mike should maybe not play any closer to the plate than third base if he was going to channel his brother all night. If an effort to prove he was channelling a 10 year boy instead, Mike vowed to not pitch to that batter the rest of the night.

That brings us to the Defensive Play of the Game. There wasn't a lot of great glove play during the game, so the Play goes to Mike. Keeping his word to not pitch to the player who plays softball more times during the week then he shows up to his construction job, Mike lofted two consecutive pitches very high and very outside. On the second, the enraged "D-leaguer" ran across the batter's area and smoked a pretty deep fly ball to the opposite field while moving. Yeah, he can hit. But the batter was out for leaving the batter's box. Unfortunately, the opposition didn't find that as amusing as Mike did, but Mike often finds himself more amusing than other people find him.

The scariest play of the night involved Kevin. I don't think that is the first time I have typed that sentence. As Kevin crossed the plate to cut the lead to single digits, he tripped on the mat and stumbled. Instead of just rolling in the dirt and giving everyone a good laugh and solid blog fodder, he tried to keep his feet. This stumbling lasted a good 10 feet until he slammed head first into the backstop. My initial reaction was to roll in the dugout floor, laughing with tears streaming down my face, but that quickly turned to concern for my best buddy. He got up, shook off the 8-count administered by the umpire and wandered around outside the dugout. He swore he was fine, but I'm pretty sure he saw all the tie dye, all the dust spinning around and the birds singing in his head and thought he was at a Pearl Jam concert. While blood running down both knees, a swollen and bruised hand and a growing knot on his head, Kevin stayed in the game. The classic part of this story is the affable umpire's comments following the game. He searched Kevin out and related a story with a smile on his face about how he was umpiring a game once and a catcher got hit in the head and swore he was fine. The catcher then ending up dead in the parking lot. No word on whether or not there was a hook on the handle of the door. Nice anedote, blue.

The rest of the game was pretty predictable. The score was a relatively close 17-6. The last couple innings, Bill Moebs came in as the relief pitcher and shut down the opposition. During his stint he kept his promise and hit the aforementioned batter with the pitch before getting him to harmlessly fly out to the fence.

The Sam Adams player of the game goes to Bill Appleton. Bill caught many of the balls that were thrown to him at first and had a couple of solid hits. His batting stood out above the rest of the muck wearing tie dye. Most importantly, he brought a trunk full of Sammy Summer all iced down to enjoy in the parking lot. That was easily the most enjoyable part of the game. Way to go, Bill.