2008 Bad Gnus Media Guide

After some deliberation and Arden Park schedule messaging, the Bad Gnus are a go for their 17th year! This addition of the Bad Gnus will have two new players who will be pulling on the tye-dye for the first time. To allow them to quickly immerse themselves into the world of the Bad Gnus, I thought I would publish this Media Guide that, for each player, may or may not include (1) a remarkable moment in Gnu history and/or (2) a bald faced lie and/or (3) a description of what to expect in 2008.

Bad Gnus History

The Bad Gnus originated in 1991 with a collection of friends of the Big Sexy (including Greg, Kevin and Howard) and a collection of friends of co-founder Sham Sidhu (including Derrick Rebensdorf). The first few seasons of this band of mostly 20-somethings typically culminated in second place finishes, always seeming to lose to the team with beer bellies and knee braces. We figured once the beer stuck and the knees gave, we'd be on top. It doesn't always work out that way...

Sham couldn't let bygones be bygones after Mike laid him off from his job and the team split after a year or so and they moved the the Sacramento Softball Complex. After several more years of second place finishes, the wheels started to get a little creeky on the Bad Gnus machine. Scores of the games started to resemble football games... and I mean those of Sac State versus anybody not actually competitive football. The Bad Gnus decided to move closer to home and play teams comprised of people their own age. Unfortunately, the Bad Gnus have not regained their hold on second place that they enjoyed for much of their early years. They have now settled into a .500 team who takes enjoyment from having better beer after the game then their opponent. However, every Gnu, whether a grizzled 17 year veteran or the fresh faced rookie knows in their heart that one day they will put it all back together and take second place in the Arden Park league. You're never too old to dream...

Bad Gnus Player Profiles

Mike - The self-glossed "Big Sexy" is the founder, manager and third basemen of the Bad Gnus. Sure there are others that may play third base better, but it's his team dog gummit! Mike hits every ball within 15 feet of the left field foul line. Sometimes they are hits, sometimes they are outs, but he has stopped trying to do anything else. Most importantly, he likes to read his own writing and type whatever pops into his head instead of working, so you get this web-pollution to deal with every so often.

Greg - Long time pitcher of the Gnus. Greg may or may not be the oldest Bad Gnu on the roster, but no one was happier with our move to day games only. Now he can have his dinner at 4, digest, and get the game right before his bed time. It's good to be on a schedule and keep things regular. Greg is the all-time Bad Gnus leader in player ejections. Between hard slides into second to badgering umpires, Greg always has given the Bad Gnus a bit of a frisky edge from the rubber.

Kevin - Another O.G. (original Gnu), Kevin has long preferred the typically hard to fill position of catcher. He has been the best catcher in most of the leagues that we play in. From jumping out to catch pop ups to blocking the plate in the days of plays at the plate, Kevin has given us good defense from a position that is often an after-thought. Kev likes to slice his left handed swing to drop balls into short left field, just to tick off the other team. He is the all-time Bad Gnus leader in concussions/near-loss-of-consciousness between laying on the bathroom floor from heat exhaustion to running head first into the backstop, no Gnu has spent more time laying down.

Howard - Triple H is the only Gnu who looks the same as he did 17 years ago when he first galloped out to left field. He still collects multiple hits each game and still runs down fly balls in the gap. His mantel has overflowed with Pyramid/Sam Adams/Newcastle player of the game awards. He is a first ballot, Gnu Hall of Famer.

Keith - The longest tenure of the any Gnu that was not an O.G. Keith is the only player in Gnu history to have played all 10 positions. That's flexibility, Homes.

Erik - Least likely to skin his knees in a game due to his penchant for wearing jeans. Erik has a high percentage of defense plays of the game. With some wire rimmed sunglasses, he looks most like he is going to attend a concert after the game wearing his jersey.

Doug - The last Gnu to hit an over-the-fence homerun. In our last season at the Complex, using Crackhead Joaquin's "sponsored" bat, Doug hit a big fly onto the street beyond the left field wall. It was likely the only extra base hit of any kind the Gnus had that season.

Sean - Scrappy outfielder who likes to make the difficult plays look easy and the easy plays look difficult. Sean also acts as the back up blogger when the Big Sexy is unavailable.

Kirk - Always looks more ready to play 18 holes than 7 innings. Good news for 2008... our talented shortstop now has a glove younger than me. He still may try to play in his golf spikes.

Clayton - Ready to shake off the rookie hazing from last year and move forward with his Bad Gnus career. We'll never forget Clayton wearing that Hooters uniform in the game against Ahern last year...

John Calderon - Rookie - Responsible for carrying the team equipment bags and bringing moist towlettes to the infielders between innings.

Kevin Williams - Rookie - Responsible for picking up the dinner bill on road trips and cleaning any dog fesces off the outfielders' cleats between innings.

That's the starting 12. Other Gnus on the roster who will see game action this spring include:

Dr. John - John claims he can only see the third base coach through one eye and that's why he constantly runs through stop signs for the ever-exciting play at the plate. We're just excited he's running to third in the first place... Scoring would just be gravy.

Pete - Certainly the most athletic Gnu but still not as talented as the lovely Mrs. Nixon. Despite all of Pete's past or future exploits, his Bad Gnu highlight will forever be the game at the complex when he neutered a runner on the other team with a thrown ball from shortstop in a very lopsided (well, he is now) affair. He also hosted the first annual Bad Gnus retreat last summer, so big ups to Pete.

Tuesday Ted - Very nimble fill-in shortstop and outfielder. Ted doesn't play Monday's as that is when his barbershop quartet practices. Ted does have the second best taste in music on the team. I'm going to guess Erik is third and then there's a big drop off, but that could all be debated.

Billy - If the Bad Gnus needed to add to the party quotient on the team, they did an excellent job picking up this fella a couple of years ago. He's one of the few Gnus that can go the other way, but we always suspected Bill goes both ways.

Derrick - Another first ballot Gnu Hall of Famer. We don't see much of Derrick as he is growing his own major league prospect out in the Naturalesque corn fields of Elk Grove. Back in the day, Derrick was an automatic solid basehit and looked more like a ballplayer than anyone on the team. Hopefully he will get out for a few games this year.

Here's to a successful 2008! First game is in less than 2 weeks!