No, this is not an attempt to steal endorsement dollars from Braylon Edwards. Just because he can't hold on to a freaking ball and likely cost my fantasy football team a championship in the process, I not going to stop him from showing up on my TV at 2 in morning during the 1967 World Series on ESPN Classic. I'm just pimping a product I have tried and believe in.
My previous go-to energy drink, Rockstar, tastes like pomegranate juice that an alien took a piss in. But on the positive side, I felt like I could run through a wall about 20 minutes later. I was Superman on crack until I had to visit the little superheroes room and deposit my glowing urine into the porcelain chalice. However, I have enjoyed a very smooth ride back to Mikeville with my new mind adjuster.
To conduct my research, I have logged my time each hour on the half hour today. Below are the highlights...
12:30 Leave Luna Lounge after a most successful book club. Go home and annihilate a sleeve of Thin Mint cookies. Damn Girl Scouts.
5:30 Awake. Swear off future drinking on the first Monday of March ever again. Read sports page, take shower, make lunches for the boys.
6:30 Take Mom to Kaiser in Roseville. Wonder why Kaiser doesn't have a hospital in Sacramento she could go to.
8:30 Can't stop thinking how amazingly comfortable those hospital beds must be. Fail to hatch plan to feign sickness just to lie down.
10:30 Stare at my computer screen at work with my chin in my hand.
11:30 Extended "blink" leads to thoughts that I am actually riding a dolphin in the warm, blue waters of the Pacific... I decide to chug the 5 Hour Energy.
12:30 Not feeling jittery. Still think I can sleep under my desk, but decide to close Deadspin.com and start doing some work.
2:30 I have completed all of my boring accounting tasks and am checking my to-do list for what to attack next! However, I still feel like I should stay in my skin and I do not think I can fly.
4:30 Is it already 4:30? Sweet sassy molassy! I made some serious progress on my stack of stuff today.
5:30 Check ESPN.com to make sure that no sports news happened while I was working.
6:30 Make dinner for my loving wife and adoring boys.
9:30 Fall asleep on the couch next to an empty sleeve of Thin Mints. Damn Girl Scouts.
There you have it. A successful day, thanks in part to the wonders of 5 Hour Energy. Available at Walgreen's, Rite Aid and other high end drug stores.
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