Ahern Sneaks Past Bad Gnus

Using a top player from both of the top teams in the league, Hanks and T-Sox, Ahern got a couple of key hits in the first inning and held on for a victory over the beloved Bad Gnus. The win by Ahern evens the season series at one game each. An independent moderator has concluded that since the Bad Gnus used only roster players in both games, that they are the winner of the 2010 B Diddy trophy (The D Cup) for the first time. Congratulations, Bad Gnus!

Bad Gnus Will Continue to Beat Off Regularly *

There may be some Arden Park Softball pundits out there that think the Bad Gnus thorough drubbing of Off Regulary/Ahern/Upper Deckers in the Spring Season was a bit of luck. A blind pig finding a nut. That it was better to be lucky than good. That socialism is killing America. Ok, that is a different kind of pundit, but all of those pundits are equally insane. Especially Glenn Beck. I mean who watches that asshole? From the demographics, I assume several of the Hanks. But I digress. Thinking about Fox News makes me want to kick someone in the nards.


Back to the topic at hand. Not a lot of people put much notice in our one-sided beatdown of the formally formidable Ahern clan back in May. In fact, when the standings came out, we were shorted a win. When I called Lisa to complain, I was told our losses included a loss to Last Call. I first had to try to figure out who the heck she was talking about. Then I had to correct her and force her to apologize for her grievous mistake. I am still awaiting the written apology.


Those who witnessed the pounding on that fair Tuesday evening, know that Walt won't take the extra base anymore. That Mark was not there. That Scott and Greg cannot hit it past the gazelle-like grace of Howard. That Eddie was not there. That B Diddy likes him a 6-4-3 ground ball. That Robbie was not there. That Bob can only hit it to right. Further they saw the shine of a new dawning of Arden Park mediocrity. Fly balls no longer are dropped in the Bad Gnus outfield. First basemen wearing the tye dye now catch a thrown ball. Fly balls hit to left are now hit a little shorter and are base hits.


That night was not a flash in the pan but a big bang that created a new world in Arden Park softball. We have climbed from the sea and are now walking tall amongst the gorillas (Balco Bombers) and bears (Beach hut's pitcher) that roam the softball landscape. We are no longer just the coolest guys with the hottest chicks and coldest (and best) ice chest. We are now amongst the softball elite of Arden Park and need to carry ourselves as such.


The Summer Season has not started off the way we would like it to. Our attendance has been spotty due to luxury vacations and extended baseball seasons. This week's game against Ahern is just what is needed to right the ship and put us back on the path of our destiny of greatness. Answer that knock at the door, Bad Gnu. It is the opportunity to prove our worth, to quiet the pundits and to set a trend of future trouncings that will continue through the decade.


When you take the field on a warm Tuesday night, know that a Bad Gnus legacy is being forged. That the Bad Gnus will be the best team on that field. But most of all, know that I'm bringing an ice chest full of frosties, so win or lose, we win! See you out there.



* Note: This post is a milking of our first of what I hope to be many victories by the Bad Gnus over Ahern. Just in case I am unable to continue claiming victory in this rivalry, I figured I'd get one more shot across the bow.

2010 Summer Series

Fresh off the most successful spring training in recent Bad Gnus history, the Summer Series is already upon us. This is always the best time to play softball. Warm nights, cool friends and cold beers all mingling at the park while the kids play and the birds sing. Good times. Don't miss it!

There are now 11 teams in the league and we get to play all of them once. There may also be an end of the season tournament! That would be sweet. The bad news is that they are trying to squeeze 3 games in per night. Be on the lookout for the bonus week in which we play on both Monday and Tuesday.

Here is the schedule for the summer. Unfortunately, we have already played two of these games with horrific results. Most dissappointing is the scrambling of players that has been needed. I expect that to be past us now.

Monday 6/28 6:30 vs. Silver Bullets

There was no umpire, no scorekeeper and very few Gnus. We lost 11ish to 3ish playing with squishy balls and Matt Shelton umpiring in his flip flops while drinking a Silver Bullet. It felt a bit like a picnic game. We played a bit like Yogi Bears.

Tuesday 7/06 5:30 vs. T-Sox

The Big Sexy pitched. Teen Sexy played his second straight game. Twin Sexies played their first beer league softball game. That's just too much Sexy for one game against a team as serious as the T-Sox. Did you check out their new lids? Tres Cool.

Tuesday 7/13 5:30 vs. B Diddy and the Funky Bunch

Here is the big game on the schedule. The Big Sexy's phone hasn't rung to fill in on their team since the Spring Season's infamous beatdown. That's not a coincidence. Ahern's team was stung a bit by the Bad Gnus' dominance. This is a great game to get the band back together and take them down again. We're on a mission from gawd.

Monday 7/19 6:30 vs. Balco Bangers

This team clearly was off-cycle from their horse steroids in the Spring Season. Take out the inflated muscles from these bros and you really have some low talented, small brained softball players. This game is a must see to watch a bro ice a bro after the game. Please let it happen!

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/0d0f25c7f3/broz-icing-bros-icing-bros

Tuesday 7/20 7:30 vs. Don't Panic

Second game of a back-to-back. We should be going for a sweep here. Don't Panic will have the munchies for a win over the only team they have ever beaten. Don't let lightning strike twice!

Monday 7/26 7:30 vs. Beach Hut

I will not be here to see which team shows up for Beach Hut: the athletic boyfriends of the sandwich makers or the dorky boyfriends of the sandwich makers. Last year, it was hip to be a nerd. Clearly this year, notsomuch. Maybe next year old, slow and fat will be hip.

Monday 8/02 5:30 vs. The Young Guns

New team alert. I expect from their name they are young and they don't know how to spell Gnus.

Tuesday 8/10 7:30 vs. The Long Islanders

This team has been around for as long as I land remember. (That's bad, I'm sorry) But I don't have any lasting memories of them. They are nice enough guys that are about as good as we are. We might crush them. They might smoke us. We might tie. Who knows? I probably won't remember it anyway. Be there to find out. Maybe take some pictures so we can remember them next year.

Tuesday 8/17 6:15 vs. Hanks

Note the subtle time change. We are going to beat the Hanks some year. Although, they did not lose a game in the Spring Season, why can't it be this year? Beside that last thing I said. And the other thing I implied. And the other couple things I thought. Forget that, it's on! Some one bring the Henry Weinhardts!

Tuesday 8/24 5:15 vs. Ice Bags

Seriously, Arden Park and Rec, some of us have jobs. 5:15 is egregious. But so was our last game against the Ice Bags. We were 5-2. Feeling on top of the world. We were playing a new team that had 1 win all year and it was against the Panic boys. Ugh! The dreaded Bad Gnus trap game! Every year we lose a game we have no business losing and win a game we have no business winning. That one was the loss one. We have a score to settle. It's our last game of the season and a chance for retribution. We will go out winners. We will go out with our heads held high. We will hang out in the park after the game and reminicse about all our great plays. But mostly we will gather knowing that this group of friends and family have represented the Bad Gnus colors with valor and brought further glory to our illustrious history.